'Ju Ju Apple, Voodoo Apple'

Pandi and Dandi Singing 'BIM'

'There ain't no good, There ain't no bad
There ain't no happiness, There ain't no tears
There ain't no love, There ain't no hate
There's only power, BIM is the power

Chorus
Hey-Hey-Hey BIM's the only way'

Ok. So I honestly saw the second worst movie ever made. 'Manos - The Hands Of Fate' is still number one. But close on it's heels is 'The Apple'. Wholly moley. It's this bad musical from 1980. Once I had a bout of insomnia and put this movie on to hopefully bore me to sleep. Well, I actually got in to it because I was trying to figure out what in the hell was going on, and if this movie was for real.

Forgot about the movie for a while, and then while browsing Netflix, I came across it again. Could it really have been that bad? If you read the comments about it on either Netflix or IMDB, you either really love it [because it's so bad, it's good] or you really hate it. Since I like most bad cinema, I figured I'd try it out again.

Here's the plot summary from IMDB:

'Alphie and Bibi, two sweet, naive youths from Moose Jaw, Canada, have come to America to compete in the 1994 Worldvision Song Festival. Although the pair have talent, they are beaten out by the underhanded tactics of the festival favorites, another duo with the backing of BIM: Boogalow International Music, and its leader, Mr. Boogalow. Though crestfallen by their loss, Bibi and Alphie are soon delighted to hear the Mr. Boogalow has taken an interest in their music and wants to sign them to his label. All is looking up for the two until they begin to discover the dark underside of the rock and roll world.'

Even though it is so bad, it is mesmerizing. It's like everyone in the film was high on coke and thought they were making the next greatest cinematic masterpiece. What makes this mesmerizing is the over the top futuristic fashions, the ambivalent sexuality of the characters, and the music. God, the music. It's all so Crap-tastic!

I only watched it the once, and I already had the songs stuck in my head. The first song reminds me of The Darkness, with it's over the top wailing and stage antics.

'B!...IM!.....B!.....IM!
'Hey Hey Hey, BIMs on it's way'

Since I like The Darkness, I like that song. And then comes the song 'The Apple':

'Magic apple, mystery apple
Ju Ju apple, Voo Doo apple
Holy apple, sacred apple
Trust the apple, praise the apple'


'You'll be hypnotised
And you'll be demonised
But you'll be paralysed
So you'll be victimized
You're fascinated, capitvated, losing your mind
When we cast the apple eye on you'

It's basically an allegory for Adam and Eve and temptation and such. A lot of things don't make sense, and are completely laughable. Like when Bibi meets Dandi for the first time and he offers her a pill and she is just like 'Oh. Ok, Sure, I'll take it.' 'The Apple' number is weird and Warhol/Fellini-esque; like a bad acid trip. A really bad acid trip where everyone is wearing tight pants [or barely nothing at all], holographic stickers on their faces, Courtney Love-style makeup, and big V-shaped clothing.

But the end is what gets me. [SPOILERS!!]. Bibi and Alphie end up getting married [which I think was cut, because it was in the trailer, but not in the movie], had a kid [who looks like he is 7 when only a year has supposedly passed], and is living with a bunch of hippies, who follow Mr. Topps in a flying gold Cadillac in to the sky to supposedly find a new planet. WTF?

This movie has to be seen to be believed. There is even a fansite Boogalow International Music and here it looks like someone has written a thesis on the movie.