Big Daddy Brando

While laying in the tanning bed, I was thinking about embarrassment. [That sounds funny].

It got me to thinking about the times that I have truly felt embarrassed in public. I realized I can pinpoint it to three moments.

Two of them involve the term 'Big Daddy'.

I am a fan of that moniker, in that Harry Connick Jr. brought it back to my consciousness when he said it in 'Independence Day'.

'Let's kick the tires and light the fires, Big Daddy'

I previously was exposed to 'Big Daddy', in the movie 'Cat On A Hot Tin Roof'. I love that movie.

Big Daddy is the name of Burl Ives' character who is the head of a Southern Plantation. If you haven't seen the movie, you should. It's more like a play that was filmed, then a movie, by today's standards.

Big Daddy is the bad ass patriarch, and Paul Newman and Elizabeth Taylor were at the pinnacle of their hot-ness. Plus, as with most Tennessee Williams' work, their is a subtle homosexual context [Brick's relationship with Skipper].

Thus, with Connick bringing it back to my consciousness, I decided to adopt it as a nickname of sorts. This is where the embarassment begins.

One time, I was at the movies, and my phone dropped out of my pocket. It happened during the movie, so of course I couldn't find it. I had turned it off as one is wont to do in a movie [I should have just put it on silent], so getting Dave to call it wouldn't work.

I waited anxiously for the movie to end. House lights come up, people leave, and I began trudging the sticky floors and refuse, for my phone. The lights weren't bright enough to find it. Nothing.

So I go and get one of the manager dudes, who had a flashlight, to assist in my quest for my phone. Then the manager asks, 'what does it look like?'.

I could feel my soul recoil in embarassment, as the words slipped out of my mouth.

'It's pink .....and......it.....says......Big....Daddy'.

I could have died right there.

Now, it wasn't really pink; it was more of an 'electric purple'/fuschia. But my brain said pink, for some odd reason.

Alas, never found my phone, and I left in shame. Although. I think if I would have said 'electric purple', or 'fuschia', that would have sounded just as gay.

The second time Big Daddy caused me embarassment, was when I was calling to cancel my Earthlink membership. [Seriously, they suck, don't subscribe].

Unwittingly, I was foolish enough to do this at work.

In order to pull up my account, they needed my email address. Nonchalantly, I go, 'big daddy brando at whatever dot com'.

As soon as I said that, I realized my fellow cube-farmers could hear the call.

Within a second, I hear snickers and chortles.

Again, my soul recoiled in embarassment.

I finished the call, and began dealing with the comments of my co-workers.

Needless to say, I stopped using the nickname.

Why this is funny/embarassing is, if you were to see or meet me, I am hardly a 'Big Daddy'. At a whopping 5' 6", and 125 pounds, I am hardly the imposing figure.

So, for me to use such a nickname is kinda funny.

But that has changed.

With my years of experience since then, I am ready to embrace the irony of this moniker. Hence, I am re-adopting it, as evident by my change from my other pseudonym, 'Barney' [that's a story for another day].

So, goodbye 'Barney', for now, and say hello, to 'Big Daddy Brando'.

Epilogue: The third embarassing moment was when I got superdrunk, passed out on my way back in to Tracks, and busted my face on the concrete outside of the front door of the club. That was fun. Ambulance ride, and being detained by hospital authorities and all.

[Superdrunk, that would be a cool name for a band. Or at least a hipster t-shirt].