I actually know someone I can get this for.

From Logged Hours: The pillow pal.

'Well, hot diggity! I sure know that when I'm lying in bed reading Danielle Steel novels, I sure need my firearm by my side. You never know what sort of rakish scoundrel will make his way in to my bedroom and try to have his way with me, especially when I'm wearing my Santa hat with flashing lights on it! Can I get a closer look?'

He keeps a gun under the mattress.

Don't ask.