Any of y'all want a kid? Or two?

Britney to kids: You’re both mistakes!

'With the custody battle heating up between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, the pop tart’s momma skills are under a huge microscope. And maybe they should be, given an upcoming Star exposé. Revealing intel gleaned from the affidavits of three of Britney’s former employees, an unnamed source spilled the goods or, in this case the very bads, to the magazine.

Apparently, when Brit isn’t busy filling the kids full of their favorite caffeinated concoctions, including coffee, “she also lets them sit in soiled diapers for hours until someone else changes them,” the source told Star. “And she keeps both children up late at night to ensure they sleep late — this includes waking them up if they fall asleep before 11 p.m.” No wonder they need so much coffee!

As for her other child-care foibles, Star’s source says, “she tried to whiten (Sean Preston’s) teeth using Crest Whitestrips, but he kept crying. Finally, Britney threw the strips away, telling Sean, ‘Fine, you’ll just have ugly teeth then!’”
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By far the most explosive revelation featured in the Star report is how BritBrit speaks to her brood. “When Britney is upset, she yells and screams at the boys and once told them, ‘You were both mistakes!’ She’s called them ‘burdens, a pain in the ass and the reason (your) father left,’” claims the source.

OK, not exactly mother of the year material, but before all her parenting skills are impugned, it’s only fair to make a mention when Brit gets it right. TMZ.com spotted the 25-year-old mommy taking the tykes out for dinner at a trendy L.A. eatery, rebuking paparazzi for following them into the bathroom and even putting little Jayden James in his car seat — the right way around. See, it’s the little things that completely flip one’s image. Or, at least, Brit better hope so.

Is it any wonder Britney’s family is pro-Federline? TMZ recently reported a Mrs. Mama Spears/Federline alliance aimed at getting Britney back into rehab. And according to Life & Style magazine, Brit’s little sis Jamie Lynn is crankier than a cornered possum on account of big sis’s refusal to clean up her act.

At the tender age of 16, Jamie Lynn may be more together than her 25-year-old elder. According to a Life & Style insider, the teenager told BritBrit that she’s brought this whole child custody battle on herself. “You wanted those babies, and look what you’re doing!” Life & Style quotes Jamie Lynn. “I’m glad Kevin’s going to take them!”

And it looks like K-Fed’s already prepared for the takeover. “The house is child-proof, except for the recording studio,” a source told 24Sizzler.com. And unlike their crazy mama, Jayden James and Sean Preston’s papa has changed his partying ways, reports the gossip Web site. “In like just the past year, he’s gone mature. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to go out now. He doesn’t want to go out. He just wants to stay home with the kids.”'