Turkey Neck

Ever been channel surfing on a lazy Sunday, and come across something, that unknowingly, scars your psyche, for the rest of your life?

This happened to me recently, when I came across a couple on TV, with the woman stating, "We're going to get genital reconstructive surgery."

Whua?

You just know, I had to stop, and watch.

Evidently, it was an episode of "Dr. 90210", on the "E" network. A young couple, whose names were Don and Lori if I remember correctly, had decided it was time to share with the cable watching public that they wanted to finally do something about their hideous naughty bits.

They are so madly in love, that they finally feel it is time to take their relationship to the next level, and resolve their final body dysmorphic issues, that they feel are hampering their relationship.

We learn that the couple have been dating for four years; three of which, they would only have sex in complete darkness. This is because, they were each, so ashamed of what they had going on down there, that they didn't want each other to witness each other, while in the throes of passionate love making.

We then get to be a party, of both initial doctor exams.

It seems Lori, thinks her labia is asymmetrical, with one lip being bigger than the other. She is so embarrassed of this, that in addition to having sex with the lights off, she refuses to get undressed in public.

Next up, we get to see the doctor examine Don. I must point out, that Lori was in the examination room at the time.

Guess, they don't mind seeing each other's equipment, in a brightly lit room, with a doctor present, while being recorded on video.

Don's problem is that he feels he has too much excess baggage going on, and that he says it is painful in hot weather, because his "boys" stick to his leg. Ever hear of talcum powder, Don?

This is where it starts to get kind of "too much information" for my tastes.

While examining Don, the doctor makes the exclamation that he had never seen a scrotal sack like that before. "You have a lot of excess skin! That's the largest turkey neck, I have ever seen".

Yes folks, he used the medical term, "turkey neck". Thanks Doc, for forever ruining, my perception of a turkey's visage.

After the exams, we get some one on one time with the doctor, who proceeds to draw us pictures representing what was blurred out from the viewer's view (for obvious reasons), and how he plans to proceed.

In my opinion, what he drew was far more graphic then what could have been shown in reality.

The doctor proceeds to draw a facsimile of Lori's labia. To me, it resembled the Rolling Stones "Lips" logo, except there was no tongue, and one of the lips is twice the size of the other.

For Don's doodle, he drew a pretty graphic representation of his erect penis, in profile; turkey neck and all. From Don's picture, you can see what the doctor was talking about. Instead of the skin [the "neck"] on the underside of his penis starting mid-shaft, down to the testes, Don's apparently starts its descent close to the glans.

I can see Don's issue now.

After a commercial break, we come back to see Don and Lori, getting prepped and rolled in to surgery. The cameras follow the doctor at work, who explains, step by step, what he is doing in each surgery. Once the operations are complete, the doctor then proceeds to hold up the sections of removed flesh.

Lori's looks like a bloody piece of turkey bacon.

Don's looks like a diamond shaped piece of ham.

Grody.

Thanks again, Doc, for sharing.

Probably even more disturbing than that, is what follows next. We see Lori's mom, working with one of the nurses, on how to clean and irrigate Don's surgical scars. [!] Keep in mind, Don and Lori, are only dating, and not married.

Even if I was wholeheartedly in love with someone, I wouldn't exactly want my partner's mother to be caretaker of my recently scalpel stricken genitals.

The couple is sent on their way to recovery. Luckily, we aren't further exposed to Lori's mom playing nurse to Don. Instead, we get a follow up, where Don and Lori, and her parents, are lounging about on a party boat on Lake Havasu. We get to see Don and Lori, as they separately climb on to the boat, with blatant shots of their crotches.

Come on "E", is that necessary?

We then get to hear Don and Lori, discuss on camera, in front of her mom and dad, what their surgery has done to enhance their sex life. Supposedly, it is much better, and they now love to do it with the lights on.

The final coupe de grace, has to be when Don and Lori's father, talk about how on a prior night, they had both whipped out their equipment, to compare Don's surgery to Leah's dad's untouched member.

"Maybe I should get the surgery," Lori's dad says. "I feel like my bits are down to my knees."

Ack! Too much information!

Finally the show ends, and I feel traumatized. Not only by the doctor's words and images, but by the nonchalant relationship between Lori's folks, and her boyfriend's package.

Where do they get these people?

So much for being insecure, and not wanting anyone to see their genitals. They sure didn't have a problem whipping them out for the cable viewing public to see.

Crazy, what people in love, will do.