'I'm like, batsh*t, y'all'.

I know it's nowhere near the truth, but it's funny to imagine.

'The patient was eventually restrained by orderlies, and nurses were able to wash the number of the beast off of her forehead.

(Not 666, as some have reported, but actually Paris Hilton's Sidekick digits.)

Britney has since been put on round-the-clock suicide watch by an overtaxed Promises staff, who are nearing their wits ends and close to bringing in their staff exorcist, whose controversial methods--involving splashing holy Red Bull on the restrained patient while chanting, "The power of K-Fed compels you!"--while highly unorthodox, have proven to elicit desirable effects in certain, extreme cases.'

Britney Spears Keeping Busy In Rehab With Online Shopping And Channeling Satan