I heart the Cloonster.

'Just because George Clooney has an Oscar, two Sexiest Man Alive titles and a surprisingly functional romance, that doesn't mean he's about to take himself too seriously. In the April issue of Esquire, the debonair A-lister gamely agrees to a Google search session to check out a few of the rumors circulating about him.

One of the items that pops up is a Facebook group headlined, "George Clooney is NOT the sexiest man alive," which solicits members by declaring, "That man is so full of himself it isn't funny. Anyways join this group if you totally agree with me."

Clooney, who is out stumping for his forthcoming football flick "Leatherheads," responds by having the interviewer post the following comment: "That's bulls**t. He looks great for a 70-year-old."

Another site they stumble across labels Clooney "gay, gay, gay," prompting him to protest, "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay -- that was pushing it."
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George Clooney, right, and Sarah Larson at the Oscars

Also pushing it: Rumblings out of Britain that he's popped the question to Sarah Larson, whose steady squeeze status was solidified last month when she walked the red carpet at the Oscars on his arm, the first girlfriend to be granted the honor.

According to the rumor mill, the commitment-avoiding actor, 46, is planning to tie the knot with the doe-eyed brunette, 28, at his villa in Lake Como, Italy, this summer.

"They haven't made any announcement yet, but there are people in this town who know more than me," claims a local restaurant staffer. "They say the couple are already engaged."

But Clooney's rep brushes this off as wishful matrimonial thinking, pooh-poohing to Us, "There is no truth to any element of the story."

The actor, who first stepped out with the former Sin City cocktail hostess last September, also downplayed the "I do" talk to Esquire after the interviewer pointed out how a psychic predicted he'd take a wife this year.

"I think that wedding one is a bit ahead of its time," he says.

Especially since he's keeping a spot in his heart open for buddy Brad Pitt (given the right conditions, of course): "Well, you know, if I was a girl and he was a girl, and I was a lesbian and he was a lesbian, I'd be all over him."

Clooney also makes light of his surreal scuffle with flowing-locked ex margarine pitchman Fabio, who boasted he could take him in a fight.
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Video: Did Clooney propose to his girlfriend?

"Yeah, that's probably true. He's a big guy," he laughs. "There is a moment when you are actually in the argument and you're thinking, 'If I do get beaten down by Fabio, that will be far worse than the pain. I wouldn't shake that.'"

What he can shake is Donald Trump's assessment that, despite his 5-foot-11-inch frame, he's vertically deficient.

"I saw Donald Trump on Larry King and he was saying, 'Clooney is a very short guy. I mean he's a tiny guy.' I've met Donald Trump once, and I was sitting at a table," explains the megastar to the magazine. "He came over, shook my hand, and walked away. I guess I looked about three foot five sitting at that table."

As for Rupert Everett declaring the "Ocean's" film franchise a "cancer to world culture," Clooney wonders, "Where did that come from? You kind of go, Dude, weren't you in 'Dunston Checks In'?" '

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