Grumpy Old Man

I'm old, and I'm not happy.

Back in my day, we didn't have fancy-schmancy, CGI graphics.

We had special effects guys, who made masks out of latex and pantyhose, and put midgets in hot, rubber costumes.

Then they'd make them dance around under the hot studio lights, until they passed out, or spontaneously combusted from the heat.

And there was nothing you could do about it!

In my day, this video was considered 'groundbreaking, and 'cinematic'. Today it is just considered a 'classic'.

In my day, Michael Jackson was still an African American.

He didn't dangle babies off hotel balconies, and serve Jesus Juice to young boys in amusment parks!

In my day, he at least feigned interest in the opposite sex, by taking Brooke Shields and a monkey, to awards shows.

Back in my day, we didn't have iPods, or mp3 players.

In my day, we had to stick a hunk of plastic, into another hunk of plastic, loaded with 18 D size batteries, that played for four hours, before losing power.

If we didn't have the luxury of lugging that 50 pound stereo around, we had to listen to it on vinyl, which if you were wearing headphones, and the record happened to be scratched, you'd hear a loud pop that would burst your eardrums, and make blood pour from your head!

So there we were, just a bunch of worn out freaks, with blood coming out of our ears, watching midgets pass out in monkey suits -- and that's the way that it was, and we liked it! We loved it! Oh happy day.

And now, Michael Jackson's 'Thriller':