Arrested Development Quote Of The Day

Gob: '..Although, I did finally manage to get in dad's pants.'

Sophia: I can't believe it. Esther Weinstock is dead.

Dorothy: Oh I'm so sorry Ma, How'd it happen?

Sophia: [sarcastically] She was fighting an oil rig fire in the Gulf of Mexico.

SHE WAS 88!

Rose: Well, it's good that she kept fighting right up to the end.

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Mr. Jellineck: 'It's not a cold sore!

I... bumped my lip on a biscuit.'

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Minister Arsenew: 'What is this 'Freedom of Speech' people are speaking so freely about?....

Is it ok to yell 'fire!' at a crowded book burning?

Did Jesus just go around just saying anything that came in to his head?

Yes, he did.

And what happened to him?

That's right...they nailed him to a telephone pole!

What does this parable teach us??

KEEP YER YAPPERS SHUT!!!

It's what God wants.'

Ack!

All I have eaten today is a baked potato with salt and pepper, and a cup of Special K.

I feel like such a heifer.

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Jerri Blank: History has taught us many things.

For example, I can't smoke one stick of pot, or take one needle of coke.

One night – I'll make this quick – one night, I was thrown by a horse and I had to have an emergency laminectomy.

Now you all know the size of a king-size sheet, right?

Well, you try scrambling down that in the dark after a boot of scag or a snort of horse...

Chuck Noblet: Really, Jerri, that's fine. What was your report on again?

Jerri: Brazil.

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Jerri Blank: 'That's funny, why does your finger, smell like his ass?'

'It's like living in a prison.'... 'Minus the beatings and the sodomy.'

Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?

Audio NSFW

Sixteen Candles Soundboard

Ever hang around the gymansium?

Sometimes I question your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Ha.

So I just re-watched 'Idiocracy', and my new favorite line from that movie is 'Carl's Jr. - F*ck you, I'm eating'.

40 Year Old Virgin Soundboard

Audio NSFW

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

“I'm shaken and upset. So if you'd like to send baskets or donations I've written my address, it's at the back of the class on the easel. But please, no mylar balloons. They never deflate and I don't have the heart to throw them away.”

Ha.

'I'm going out on a limb here and guessing if my kid were mauled by a bear last weekend, I wouldn't be trolling the Defamer website for laughs a few days later.

Just a hunch.'

More 'Captivity' Ad Fun: Elisha Cuthbert Vs. The Grizzly Bears

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Jerri Blank: 'God's a little bland.'

From episode 'Blank Stare: Part 1'

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Jerri Blank [to Derrick Blank]: 'Why you're just a rack of bones, covered in a thin layer of fag.'

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Derrick Blank: 'I'm going to squat my way to the top.'

Strangers With Candy Quote Of The Day

Sara Blank: "I'm her Stepmother. Since you're so popular, I wouldn't want you thinking that she slithered out of my womb."