Eponymous Definition Of 'Douche'

Assistant to boss: I need to leave early today for a dentist's appointment. Would that be okay?

Boss: Sure, is at 2:30?

Assistant: 2:30?? No, it's at 3.

Boss: Well, it should be at 2:30.

Assistant: Why?

Boss (chuckling): Because you're tooth hurty. Get it? Two thirty, tooth hurty.

Assistant: Are you kidding me?

Overheard In The Office

Fave Comment Of The Day

'Reminds me of a discussion i once had with an archeologist. I asked what he thinks how people will interpret Disney Land once they find excavate it in 2000 years or so.

his answer was that people will probably think that this was a cult place were a mouse was worshiped.'

Antiques Roadshow 2550 Makes Me Wish I Never Threw Out My Bop-It

Anagram This!

Bad Giddy

Dab Giddy

Baddy Dig

Daddy Big

Gad Biddy

Add By Dig

Dad By Dig

Gad By Did

I personally like the name 'Gad Biddy'.

Generator here.

Fave Comment Of The Day

"This is the finger I use for my ass when I can't find my stick."

Hmmm...

Debbie Gibson - 'Only In My Dreams'

Ya know.... the lyrics are kinda deep:

'Every time I'm telling secrets
I remember how it used to be
And I realized how much I miss you
And I realize how it feels to be free

Now I see I'm up to no good
And I wanna start again
Cant remember when I felt good
No I cant remember when

Chorus:
No, only in my dreams
As real as it may seem
It was only in my dreams'

You could totally make a druggy Stranglers-type version of this song.

Just for fun:



Ha ha.

Today's Fave Comment

'I tried something similar to this and it actually worked really well.

But instead of white noise I used the Fleet Foxes album and instead of ping pong balls on the eyes I ate a bunch of psilocybin mushrooms.

Totally works.'

Headphones Playing White Noise and a Ping Pong Ball Let You Trip Sans Drugs

Awesome.

[Click image to read email chain]

Good Idea!: Man Submits Drawing Of Spider Instead Of Payment For Overdue Account

Fave Comment Of The Day

'i HATE shalimar with a white hot passion that will never die.

seriously the most disgusting sh-t ever - smells like a rotting old fur coat that's been left in the rain and then put in the microwave.

this is followed closely by Gucci Rush - but that's because i'm alergic to it - makes me feel like i have fur growing in my throat. [sic]'

The New Power Perfumes: You'll Smell Like Your Mom And Like It

My mom used to wear Shalimar.

It's not too bad.

Although she wore Estee Lauder's Youth Dew which stinks to high heaven.

When it hits my nose it feels like an electrode frying the connection between my sinal cavity and the part of the brain that processes scent.

Instant migraine.

New Feature! - 'Signs I'm A Little Touched In The Head'

My brain is constantly thinking.

The reason I have insomnia is because I can't turn off my brain.

One of the side effects of having over-active grey matter is I often get caught up or obsess about some random little thing.

Like having a certain song stuck in my head.

But more often than not, it is usually a word.

See, I have have this thing for language and words.

I'm fascinated by them.

This includes meaning, evolution, usage, and spontaneous creation due to error.

For example.

I was commenting on someone's post once and I accidentally misspelled 'lesbian' as 'lesbina'.

Well, that cracked me up, and it stuck.

For better or worse, now it's stuck in my vocabulary.

Most recently, was the creation of the phrase, 'I haven't done squish!'.

So yah, I'm a little odd.

Well, the last two days I have had this French word stuck in my head: 'nettoyant'.

Since it has been a while since I took French, it was driving me crazy what its English equivalent is.

For some reason I thought it was 'naturally', but also though that it meant 'annoying'.

Before I would get around to looking it up on a translator, a new thought would pop in my head and I would forget about it for a while.

Well, I looked it up today, and it actually means 'cleaning agent'.

Ha ha.

Figures with my OCD about cleanliness, that that word would be stuck in my brain.

Sidebar: So if bad Asian to English translation is called Engrish, what is bad English to French translation called?

'Franch'?

Time To Move

'I Will Eat Your Babies!'

Fave Comment Of The Day

'Oh Jesus. Now we're gonna get an album full of kaballah divorce dirges.

Oh well, will still be better than the sonic autopsy that was Hard Candy.'

The Madonna/Guy Ritchie Divorce: A User's Guide

Ha.

My Fave Comments Today

'"Footage of a burning log" is definitely the line of the day.

Also, it's good to see that it is on demand.

I used to rush home all the time, only to miss the burning log show by 5 minutes.'

'You should have seen the 2007 episodes - SO much better.'

'Was that the one with the fir?

It had so many more crackles per hour than the new oak show.

Every now and then it would pop really loudly and my whole family would jump.

Hilarious.'

Firewood Is The New Hotness. Literally.

Mr. Tubbs

Vernon Kay had this thing on his show where he had listeners text in the names of stuffed animals people had as kids.

Mine was a cute fat stuffed rabbit called 'Mr. Tubbs' [not pictured].

So what was yours?

Ha ha.

[Click image to enlarge]

New Expression

I was just talking to someone and was trying to convey that I felt like I had not completed much today.

As I was talking, two words unknowingly combined into a hilarious expression; 'squat' and 'sh*t'.

The resulting phrase:

'I feel like I didn't do squish today'.

Ha ha ha.

I laughed for five minutes.

It is now part of my repertoire.

Good Or Bad?

I was watching this 'The Acid House' and has to slap on subtitles because of their thick Scottish brogue, and it got me to thinking about how I can almost identify which area or what type of an accent a British person speaks.

This is due listening to BBC Radio 1 for years, in addition to all of the British TV and movies I watch.

My fave DJ's on Radio 1 are Sara Cox and Vernon Kay.

I wonder if it's because they're both from Bolton?

When different presenters come on to do the news, weather, and such, I always try and figure out which accent it is.

Also, some of the callers they get in to the show are hysterical because they are so regionalized.

[Weird. Google says 'regionalized' isn't a word. But the dictionary does.]

It's like the our variations over here when you can totally tell if someone is from the upper Midwest, of from Cajunland down deep south.

Any-ho, this guy does a pretty good job recreating the different accents, even though he's a tad annoying.

His Bolton and Manchester accents crack me up because they're spot on.

Oh, and here's a link about American English videos from a documentary called 'American Tongues'.

I still think it's funny I supposedly have an Northeast accent.

I think N'Orleans/Cajun accents are my fave American ones.

[Man, I'm such a geek, I could study this stuff all day.]

Cracks me up.

Watched 'They Live' the other night when I had a bought of insomnia, and this quote cracked me up.

Also, later in the film, Piper is aiming at a flying robot and says 'Momma don't like tattletales'.

Ha ha.

WTF?

I remember seeing the movie as a kid, but now realize what a low budget film it actually was.

Or looks now.