Technical Difficulties

Sorry guys, for the lack of posts.

'The Inevitable' happened.

I lost access to Firefox at a certain establishment.

[IE sucks major monkey balls.]

But, I have been working on a solution, and if all goes well, I shall be up and posting [and reading and commenting youse guyses blogs and shite] after this weekend.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Being offline the last two weeks has been easier than I thought, but that was only able due to the fact that I had some help with my phone.

But my phone can't do everything as full online access.

[Damn you Apple! and your copy and paste!]

So, cross your fingers, and your toes, and whatever else, so that my alternative tech-therapy works out.

Smoochie boochies!

Sorry for the dearth of posts as of late.....

Have been dealing with moving and a new commute.

I still have boxes that haven't been un-packed.

I should be more robustly posting soon.

Bizarre

A number came up on my phone that I didn't recognize so I just ignored it.

A few seconds later it tells me I have a voicemail.

The transcript is as follows:

'[Big Daddy].... this is Mark from Landmark.

We were wondering if you would be able to cover our shift tomorrow.

Give me a call back at [number].'

?

Did I get a job as a projectionist [audio NSFW] at a movie theater during one of my bouts of insomnia and not know it?

How odd that he had my right name.

[Puts tin foil hat on.]

Almost Back.....

Dropped off the planet for a few days to recover from an altercation.

[Debating if I want to post the hazy details....]

I'm running at about 80% and trying to get back in to Land Of The Living.

Posting will resume once I am caught up and fully operational.

Awk-WARD!

The other week at work, I was in the restroom washing my hands when something awkward happened.

I had finished washing my hands and drying them when I heard water running.

Now, our ghetto toilets and urinals are those ones with the pull bar, and sometimes they get stuck after you flush, sending gallon upon gallon down the drain.

[You have to push in the bar in a special way to get it to stop.]

Well, being as earth-conscious as ever, I looked around the wall separating the basins and the urinal area, to be surprised by the sight of one of our [cute-ish] managers taking a whizz.

Now normally it would be no big whoop, but his head was turned around to look behind him just as I peered over.

Needless to say, it looked like I was being all perv on him and trying to scope him out at the loo.

That wasn't the case.

While it didn't sound like the mad rush of water that happens when the bar gets stuck, it didn't sound like a normal wee either.

Maybe he's taking Urigro:



So, yah it felt awkward, and now every time I pass him in the halls I picture him thinking I'm some kind of lascivious lavatory lurker.

Although, the other day he began making small talk in the break room, so maybe it's just all in my head.

Doy.

After two days I just figured out why my phone would keep repeating the same track instead of continuous play.

It's not my fault it... didn't come with an instructional manual.

Funny

Dave Matthews Band - 'Ants Marching'

It's funny how songs can totally capture a period of your life like a mental cache file.

When this album came out, there was no escaping it.

Where I worked at the time [retail] we had Muzak and had the 'Alternative' channel.

So over the course of a shift, I would hear this song like 20 times.

I hated this song.

But now when it infrequently pops up it totally brings back not only a mental flashback of that period of that time, it brings back the smells from this era as well.

Like the smell of the coffee shop I worked at, the smell of Autumn as it descended upon the CU campus, the funky smell of that first apartment in Boulder, etc.

The brain is pretty amazing in that it can not only hold cognitive memories, but sensory ones as well.

And even though it was one of the best and worst periods in my life, now, filtered and tempered through 'nostalgia', I kinda miss that period.

Today In - 'Useless Info'

In the three years I have used Netflix, I have watched approx 600 DVD's.

That's 200 a year.

Now say your average movie is 1.5 hours long, that means I have spent 300 hours a year watching movies.

That ends up being 12.5 days.

And that's not even including TV shows and movies that are longer in duration.

[Yes I am a big nerd.]

New Feature! - 'Signs I'm A Little Touched In The Head'

My brain is constantly thinking.

The reason I have insomnia is because I can't turn off my brain.

One of the side effects of having over-active grey matter is I often get caught up or obsess about some random little thing.

Like having a certain song stuck in my head.

But more often than not, it is usually a word.

See, I have have this thing for language and words.

I'm fascinated by them.

This includes meaning, evolution, usage, and spontaneous creation due to error.

For example.

I was commenting on someone's post once and I accidentally misspelled 'lesbian' as 'lesbina'.

Well, that cracked me up, and it stuck.

For better or worse, now it's stuck in my vocabulary.

Most recently, was the creation of the phrase, 'I haven't done squish!'.

So yah, I'm a little odd.

Well, the last two days I have had this French word stuck in my head: 'nettoyant'.

Since it has been a while since I took French, it was driving me crazy what its English equivalent is.

For some reason I thought it was 'naturally', but also though that it meant 'annoying'.

Before I would get around to looking it up on a translator, a new thought would pop in my head and I would forget about it for a while.

Well, I looked it up today, and it actually means 'cleaning agent'.

Ha ha.

Figures with my OCD about cleanliness, that that word would be stuck in my brain.

Sidebar: So if bad Asian to English translation is called Engrish, what is bad English to French translation called?

'Franch'?

Human After All?

The maternal parental unit called on Saturday morning to say she wouldn't be coming for a visit after all.

Phew!

I hadn't tidied up my place yet and was relieved to hear that I could have a lazy weekend.

She ended up not coming because she was experiencing tooth pain, and my brother was concerned about her driving all by herself up here.

I had this same concern too after recently seeing an episode of 'I Shouldn't Be Alive' where this woman was robbed, assaulted, and shot repeatedly by some meth-heads whilst cross-country driving on vacation.

But I could tell in her voicemail that she sounded weird.

So I called her back, and yep, you could tell she was bummed that she wouldn't be visiting.

And surprisingly, I kind of felt sad about it as well.

Whua?

I guess I had been stressing out about it so much and come to terms with it, that it was like having my plans squashed at the last minute.

So, alas, I told her I'd fly her out for Thanksgiving and put he up in a hotel if she wants.

That would work for me since I actually have the holiday off and the strike thing should be resolved by then.

She's going to let me know.

My ADD is bad today.

Seriously, I can't focus on anything for more than a minute today.

I've been watching vids, reading posts, newspapers, got stuck in a Google Maps Street View spiral, looking up random info, checking Facebook, sending emails, taking calls......

Bah.

I knew I had too much caffeine this morning.

How bad am I....

The maternal parental unit is coming in to town on Sunday, and I'm not looking forward to it.

But get this, The Union part of The Corporation rejected the contract and there's a potential they will strike.

If that happens, we have to work 12 hour days, 7 days a week until it's over.

So that would kind of help me having to deal with her visit.

So....[An Update]

My mom is going to come out here for a visit.

The good news is she's not staying with me.

With that, I'm not as stressed out about it now.

Hurts Like Brand New Shoes

Word, Sade.

Today is the only the second time I have worn these shoes, and they have tore up my feets!

It's been a while so I totally forgot how bad they mutilate my feet.

By the time I got to work, I was in excruciating pain.

In order to make it through the day, I had to stuff paper towels in my shoe to act as buffers to keep certain parts from rubbing my feets in to bloody stumps.

Should I toss them, or try and break them in?

I like them, but am not in love with them.

I don't remember how much I paid for them, so I think I don't think I'd feel bad for ditching them.

It would be worth it compared to the pain they cause.

I would give them to the charity shop, but I had to split the heel on one 'em to prevent it from grinding my Achilles tendon away.

I feel grody.

The boiler went out in my building and we haven't had hot water for two days.

It's sad realizing how addicted I am to running hot water.

If it's not back on tonight, I'm staying in a hotel.

So.....

My mom just informed me that she wants to come out for a visit in the next few weeks.

I'd rather she not.

You see, I don't really like my family.

A little background.....

My grandparents on her side died before I turned five.

My mom and her sister [my aunt] were both adopted.

My mom has no desire to find out who her birth parents are [which pisses me off because I would like to know what genetic oriented issues I have inherited from her side].

My mom and aunt have a total love/hate relationship which means I rarely hung out with her or my cousin.

I stopped talking to my dad at age 11 and have been estranged from that side of the family ever since.

Actually, my grandparents on that side died a few years back and I didn't find out until like two years afterwards.

Me and my brother are exact opposites and hated each other growing up.

So needless to say, I don't have the same concept of family togetherness that the majority of people do.

I see my family as just a bunch of people that I just happened to be blood related with.

Also of note, my mom is a notorious Gemini and can become psycho at the drop of a hat.

She once told some famous hockey player, Peter Forsberg, to 'f-ck off' because she thought he gave me a funny look at a restaurant.

[Seriously, she's not familiar with the concepts of sarcasm or subtlety.]

Top all of this off with her reaction to me coming out, and she is pretty much emotionally dead to me.

While growing up, she had gay friends and spoke about tolerance and blah blah blah.

In fact, we used to hang out and do stuff with her 'mos.

So when I came out and she didn't talk to me for a month and then disappeared for the summer [she went to Texas without telling me or my brother on a total whim] that was it.

I graduated high school and moved to my own place a month later.

Now, she has never supported me with anything.

I have been working since age 11 and paid for all my stuff for school through the years.

Hell, I even put myself through college.

So this whole, wanting to be one-big-happy-family concept doesn't mean shiite to me.

I could really care less.

These days I rarely talk to her; only the occasional email here and there, and the requisite calls on the big holidays.

Last time I went down to visit her and my brother, it was hell as I had to bite my tongue because they have turned in to the biggest ignorant Texans you can picture.

My brother seriously believe that Barack Obama is a terrorist in disguise and is related to Osama Bin Laden.

So for her to come out here is more a pain in the ass then anything else.

I don't want to have to babysit her, much less let her stay with me.

I've offered to put her up in a hotel, but how much you wanna bet she is going to get all psycho-bitch about that?

[I'll keep you posted.]

So, yah, most of you might think I'm a bastard because, hey, it's my mom, right?

Well, too bad.

You didn't have to grow up living with a freakin' psycho and emotional terrorist.

P.S. - That felt good to vent.

Tagged!

Virtual hubby Christopher tagged me.

So here goes:

1. Do you like Blue cheese?

On occasion. Which is surprising because I HATED it as a kid.

2. Have you ever smoked?

Unfortch, yep.

3. Do you own a gun?

No, but I actually do want to take up recreational shooting, like at a firing range.

That way when the zombies come, I can make perfect shots, like in 'Dawn Of The Dead'.

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?

I only remember cherry.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

Depends on what I'm there for, and which type of doctor.

Ha ha.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

Love 'em but they have to be 100% beef [Hebrew Nationals are my fave], and served with mustard and cheese.

Yum! [Damn, now I want a hot dog.]

7. Favorite Christmas movie?

'A Christmas Story', 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation', and 'Home Alone'.

I actually still tear up at the end of Home Alone I hate to admit.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Vodka.

Ha ha.

Green tea, milk, or water.

9. Can you do push ups?

Yep, but I'm not allowed to work out in public.

The cops arrested me for carrying these guns.

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?

Toss up between my tongue ring, and my knife-cut ring from Tiffany's.

They don't sell it anymore but it looks like this [it's not a wedding band though, although it could prob pass for one].

[Man, I'm such a 'mo. Ha ha.]

11. Favorite hobby?

Collecting lederhosen.

Actually, collecting music.

And it's kind of getting out of hand.

I have already filled up half of an 100gig external hard drive with just music.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?

Definitely.

My attention span is about five minutes.

I have to be doing multiple things at once.

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?

Wore colored contacts for a while when I worked at The Big Gay Club.

14. Middle names?

James.

Boring I know [no offense James!], but Big Daddy James does have a certain porn star appeal to it.

Maybe I should start going by that.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?

'I just died in your arms tonight. It musta been something you said', hunger, dread [of the commute tomorrow - thanks Obama].

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?

Water [tons of it - drank a gallon so far today], milk, tea, juice, vodka.

17. Current worry?

Having to buy a car if they move our offices at The Corporation.

18. Current hate right now?

That I wasted three days in the lamest, worst vendor equipment training class I have ever been to.

19. Favorite place to be?

In bed, under the covers, on a chilly day.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?

Don't remember.

D'oh!

21. Where would you like to go?

The Maldives, Madagascar, Croatia, Iceland, Cardiff, home [at work now].

22. Name three people who will complete this?

Going to see if Clay, Viva, and let's see if Just David! will do it.

23. Do you own slippers?

Like old-man slippers for the house?

No.

But many of my dress shoes are slip-ons.

Do those count?

24. What shirt are you wearing?

One of my faves: a red gingham short sleeve country button down.

It's like a modern Banana Republic version of the classic cowboy shirt with the pearl snaps.

25. Where will you be spending Christmas?

Haven't thought about it.

26. Can you whistle?

Yep, and sometimes it gets me in trouble because I don't realize I am doing it.

27. Favorite color?

Red, orange, black and white.

28. Would you be a pirate?

Nah, I don't like forcibly taking stuff from people.

I'd rather have then wanting to give it to me.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?

Whatever is on the radio at the time.

30. Favorite Girl’s Name?

Evelyn, Victoria, Petunia, Lola, Vivienne, Shanikqua

31. Favorite Boy’s name?

Avery, Sebastian, Madison, Xerxes, Mustaffah, Bailey, Baxter, Stone, Rock, Dexter, Seamus

32. What’s in your pocket right now?

Lip balm, lighter, wallet, handkerchief.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?

The guy who called my shoes 'cute' this morning [see below].

35. Worst injury you’ve ever had?

When I face-planted in to the pavement.

Busted my nose, lip, and scraped a good chunk of skin off my upper lip.

36. Do you love where you live?

Abso-friggin'-lutely.

I love my city and my 'hood.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?

Two

38. Name 3 other words for penis:

Peep, salami, kielbasa

39. Name 3 other words for vagina:

Vadge, Poudre Valley, hoo-ha.

40. Name 3 other words for Tits:

The Girls, big bodacious ta-ta's, breasteses.

So....

So for the last four days, every morning when I wake up, I totes feel like I have a cold.

My muscles and joints are sore, I'm fatigued, me inner ears feel like they are on fire, and I'm my sinuses are all stuffed up.

The thing is, I am not excessively sneezing, nor do I have a runny nose.

I still feel like arse though.

But the thing is, once I get up and around after a hot shower and the caffeine hits my system, I feel better.

Not 100% though.

It's so weird.

Someone suggested it might be allergies, but I don't really get allergy attacks.

And besides, there's only moderate pollen reports for the area.

Any thoughts on what it is?

I think my stomach is shrinking.

I just had two bites of my cheeseburger, and about a dozen fries, and I'm stuffed!

I've been feeling like a heifer lately but I am actually below my target weight.

And then yesterday, I had to move up a belt loop on these pants that were kind of snug last summer.

What's the deal, yo?

I wonder if it's the summer heat.

Kind of like the opposite of packing on winter weight.

I was kind of a Poindexter.

But in a good way.

C-Dawg has a post on shoes, and for some reason it brought up memories of how I used to dress in high school.

[I think it was his point about complicated Goth shoes.]

His rant on dress shoes made me remember how I rarely wore trainers to school.

I only had a pair in my locker if I had gym.

Plus, I rarely wore jeans.

I did Casual Fridays before it was even a term.

Ha ha.

Oh man, I wore button down shirts, and get this, even ties!

And not for only special occasions either.

Alex P. Keaton in da howse!

Ha ha.

I guess everyone noticed because in our Senior yearbook there are references to me and my natty threads.

In fact, I was voted 'Most Likely To Critique Celebrity Fashions', or something like that.