Ha.

'I once came within about 10 feet of hitting a balloon at 10,000 feet AGL.

The balloon was a child's balloon in the shape of a clown's head. The pressure differential at 10,000 feet caused it to expand into what appeared to be a grotesque, deformed mutant clown writhing in agony.

Convinced I was either suffering from the effects of hypoxia or witnessing the ascent of one of Satan's horrible minions from the depths of hell and into the heavens above, I headed back to the airport and sat down for a while.'

Teens Capture Amazing Shots 20 Miles from Earth's Surface With a Balloon

In front of the kids?

As if clowns aren't scary enough.

I wonder if his shoes fit in the plastic bins?

Clown strip-searched at airport

Pc Konk was frisked by airport security staff in his underwear

'A children's entertainer dressed as a comedy policeman was strip-searched down to his briefs by security staff at Birmingham International Airport.

Pc Konk, aka David Vaughan, from Shard End in Birmingham, was accompanying 100 disadvantaged children for a charity flight run by Variety Club Midlands.

But a metal clasp in his costume set off the security-check alarms.

He was made to strip down to his shorts and surrender his plastic handcuffs before boarding the hour-long flight.

He said: "In the lining of my costume was a band and it turns out it was metal.

"When I got to security check-out I had to take my boots off, and my hat off, and my little props I had on me, through the X-ray.

Pc Konk certainly did a great job of keeping everyone at the airport entertained, however he was required to give in his handcuffs in line with national security regulations
Airport spokesman

"As I went through the machine I set the alarm off."

Mr Vaughan was asked to remove his oversized floppy shoes and flashing policeman's helmet and place the bubble-making liquid for his pretend saxophone in a clear plastic bag, before he was allowed on the Thomas Cook plane.

The hour-long charity flight, for disadvantaged children, circled the Midlands on Tuesday.

The 60-year-old children's entertainer said: "My concern was to make sure I got through so I could put a smile on the kids' faces."

An airport spokesman said: "Pc Konk certainly did a great job of keeping everyone at the airport entertained, however he was required to give in his handcuffs in line with national security regulations."'

Plane Hits Cow AKA Extreme Cow-Tipping

Funny, 'Coz It's Almost True

American Airlines Now Charging Fees To Non-Passengers

'FORT WORTH, TX—Cash-strapped American Airlines announced a new series of fees this week that will apply to all customers not currently flying, scheduled to fly, or even thinking about flying aboard the commercial carrier.

The fees, the latest introduced by American Airlines in a continuing effort to combat its financial woes, will take effect on Monday. According to company officials, these charges will include a $25 tax on citizens traveling with any other airline, as well as a mandatory $30 surcharge for passengers who decide to just stay home for the holidays instead.

"Tough times unfortunately mean tough measures," American Airlines president Gerard Arpey said. "It's never an easy decision to ask our loyal customers, as well as thousands of people chosen at random out of a telephone book, to pay a little extra, but that's just the reality of today's economic climate. We hope all Americans will understand this when receiving one of our new bills in the mail."

Arpey said that non-passengers of American Airlines should expect to pay a small fee when making Greyhound bus reservations, choosing to drive to their final destination, or simply being a citizen of the United States with a valid Social Security number.

Arpey went on to note that some additional charges would also apply, including a $15 fee for every piece of luggage customers have inside their bedroom closet, and a one-time payment of $40 for any American whose name is Greg.

"We are confident that these new measures will not discourage customers from flying with American Airlines," vice president Margaret Wilkinson said. "However, we'd like to remind our customers that there is a 'discouraged-from-flying-with-American-Airlines' charge if they do in fact choose not to fly with us."

American Airlines, which posted a $1.45 billion loss in the second quarter of 2008 alone, claimed that the new fees—including the Taking A Shower Fee, the Knowing What An Airplane Looks Like Fee, and the Eating E.L. Fudge Cookies While Watching A Rerun Of House Fee—will help the company rebound. According to internal projections, the airline will recoup $500 million in the next three months alone, with nearly 80 percent of that revenue coming from citizens asleep at home.

"Watching television last night cost me $250," said Baltimore resident Michael Peterson, one of many Americans now forced to pay high airline costs for folding their laundry and going to the ophthalmologist. "It's ridiculous, but what can you do? I guess that's just the price of not flying these days."

"American Airlines charged me for cleaning out my attic," said 74-year-old Samantha Pratt, a New Jersey resident who has not left the state since 2005. "Sure, I didn't have to wait in any long lines, or go through invasive security searches, and I got to clean out my attic, which is something I've been wanting to do for weeks, but come on now."

In response to American's move, other airlines have begun offering more competitive rates. United this week unveiled a new $99 "spend the weekend quietly reading indoors" offer, while Southwest is introducing a $125 round-trip fare for those walking to their corner store for some groceries.

JetBlue, a commercial carrier known for its thrifty rates, has come out ahead of the pack, however, and is being lauded for its decision not to charge non-passengers not to fly.

Despite reduced offers such as these, many remain concerned over the new fees. Some have even expressed doubt about whether they'll be able to afford to see family members they currently live with during Christmas.

"It's just not worth it anymore," said Caroline Huza, an Ohio native and mother of two. "Plus, every time I stay at home, I always get trapped next to some kid who won't stop crying."'

Sweet.

Neato.

A video showing a 24 hour period of worldwide air traffic.

I hate flying.

Audio NSFW

Thanks to Clay!

DIY Mini Airplane

My Ideal Way To Fly

Singapore Air

Another Reason To Hate Flying

Border Agents Can Search Laptops Without Cause, Court Rules

Funny 'coz it's true.

Thanks to Claystation!

Nap time!

As if traveling didn't already suck...

Electronic searches at border prompt protests

Seizure of laptops, cameras and cellphones raising legal questions

'Nabila Mango, a therapist and a U.S. citizen who has lived in the country since 1965, had just flown in from Jordan last December when, she said, she was detained at customs and her cellphone was taken from her purse. Her daughter, waiting outside San Francisco International Airport, tried repeatedly to call her during the hour and a half she was questioned. But after her phone was returned, Mango saw that records of her daughter's calls had been erased.

A few months earlier in the same airport, a tech engineer returning from a business trip to London objected when a federal agent asked him to type his password into his laptop computer. "This laptop doesn't belong to me," he remembers protesting. "It belongs to my company." Eventually, he agreed to log on and stood by as the officer copied the Web sites he had visited, said the engineer, a U.S. citizen who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of calling attention to himself.

Maria Udy, a marketing executive with a global travel management firm in Bethesda, said her company laptop was seized by a federal agent as she was flying from Dulles International Airport to London in December 2006. Udy, a British citizen, said the agent told her he had "a security concern" with her. "I was basically given the option of handing over my laptop or not getting on that flight," she said.

The seizure of electronics at U.S. borders has prompted protests from travelers who say they now weigh the risk of traveling with sensitive or personal information on their laptops, cameras or cellphones. In some cases, companies have altered their policies to require employees to safeguard corporate secrets by clearing laptop hard drives before international travel.

Right to search?

Today, the Electronic Frontier Foundation and Asian Law Caucus, two civil liberties groups in San Francisco, are filing a lawsuit to force the government to disclose its policies on border searches, including which rules govern the seizing and copying of the contents of electronic devices. They also want to know the boundaries for asking travelers about their political views, religious practices and other activities potentially protected by the First Amendment. The question of whether border agents have a right to search electronic devices at all without suspicion of a crime is already under review in the federal courts.

The lawsuit was inspired by some two dozen cases, 15 of which involved searches of cellphones, laptops, MP3 players and other electronics. Almost all involved travelers of Muslim, Middle Eastern or South Asian background, many of whom, including Mango and the tech engineer, said they are concerned they were singled out because of racial or religious profiling.'

Sounds like my Saturday nights.

Man drinks liter of vodka at airport line

'BERLIN (AP) - A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down - and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.

A doctor called to the scene determined he had possibly life-threatening alcohol poisoning, and he was sent to a Nuremberg clinic for treatment.

The man, whose name was not released, is expected to be able to complete his journey home in a few days.'

'If I had packed my gun, I'd have my bags by now.'

Ha ha.

British Airways Sued For Chronically Losing Luggage

With my luck...

I'd get stuck sitting next to these sickly people who should just stay home.

Like the time I had a flight where the guy behind me had a mild heart attack.

Care travel by Trip Nurse

Boulder-based Trip Nurse pairs private caregivers with people who need help traveling

'Boulder - Joyce Thurmer remembers how frazzled she felt when she and her husband, Rigomar, traveled to Ireland two years ago.

"Rigo" struggled with health problems related to congestive heart failure and emphysema, leaving him too frail to juggle much of the details.

"It was overwhelming for me to be in charge of the tickets and be in charge of myself and be in charge of the luggage and in charge of Rigo," said Joyce.

The couple, both 77, had traveled frequently, often visiting Rigo's family in Germany over the years, but after a while, Joyce said, "I kind of realized ... it would be just too hard to do it on my own."

For that reason, the Thurmers have embraced Trip Nurse, a Boulder-based company that pairs skilled private nurses with people who want to travel but are constrained by health problems.

The company, which carries the slogan "Have Nurse, Will Travel," was co-founded last year by licensed practical nurse Andrew Fallon and registered nurse Suzanne Brandler after both began getting requests from clients to accompany them to weddings, family reunions or vacations.

"It allows the family to enjoy the vacation, and it relieves the patient of feeling like a burden," said Fallon, who has been a nurse for 13 years, including work with Alzheimer's patients. It also "alleviates the pressure on the caregiver."

The service appears to be unique in the nursing industry but is one other providers say they can envision gaining popularity among affluent seniors who don't want to be limited by illnesses.

Clients must pay all travel costs for the nurses, including airfare, lodging and meals, in addition to medical care, which can range from $300 a day to $1,000 a day for 24-hour care.

Trip Nurses will handle such things as arranging with airlines to have portable oxygen aboard planes, scheduling medications, assisting with personal care and navigating airport metal detectors.

"With this population exploding as it is, we're going to see more and more businesses directly catering to this age group," said Morie Smile, spokeswoman for Colorado AARP, a lobbying group for Americans 50 and older with 655,000 members in Colorado.

She said AARP officials have not seen trends in seniors hiring private nurses for travel but support any "service to keep people out there enjoying life."

"It's a brilliant idea," she said.

The use of private nurses is not a new phenomenon.

"It sounds like, in the old- fashioned days, what was called a private-duty nurse," said Amy Barton, an associate professor at the University of Colorado at Denver and Health Sciences Center.

"It was kind of in vogue for wealthy families decades ago," she said. "From that, the whole home-care movement kind of was born."'

Would you fly like this?

In-Flight Bunk Beds: Would You Rather Fly "Horizontally?"

Wonder if it's true.

'Did you know that when you search on some travel sites, your web browser could betray you?

I’ll tell you what you need to know to make sure you’re getting good rates online.

Some travel sites using tracking software—commonly called ‘cookies’—to track your movements and clicks on their site.

Some use cookies to make sure you never see the same fare twice, so their ticket inventory appears bigger.

But cookies aren’t harmless, especially if they’re used to flag you as a big spender.

This could happen simply by clicking on one too many four-star hotels, for example.

The travel site might then hide the cheapest fares and present you with more expensive options.

So here’s the solution: simply delete your cookies. For most browsers, it’s just two clicks in the “Tools” or “Preferences” tab.

So next time you search, try clearing your cookies and you might just be surprised what your browser wasn’t showing you.'

Your Browser Will Betray You

Oooh. Ahh.

Word.

New airline wants to give smokers their lighters back

'Düsseldorf, Germany - At the international airport in this western German city, smokers are restricted to a handful of bars in the terminal, or else stuck puffing on the dingy street outside.

Soon, however, tobacco lovers from around the world could be beating a path to Düsseldorf. A startup airline based here plans to offer long-haul luxury flights that cater to smokers, countering a decades-long global trend that has made it impossible to enjoy a cigarette on most passenger flights.

The founder of Smoker's International Airways - Smintair for short - is a local entrepreneur who promises a return to the days when air travel was considered glamorous, stewardesses were happy to bring you a glass of scotch, and smoking in the lavatory didn't risk criminal prosecution.

"Other airlines have lost every kind of sympathy for their passengers by leaps and bounds. They treat them like cattle," former stockbroker Alexander Schoppmann said. "What all of those carriers want these days is for you to stay in the seat, and you better bloody well stay there, and don't even ask for anything to eat or drink. You can't do anything."'