People Are Dumb

Woman injured in sex toy mishap

'LEXINGTON PARK, Md. - A Southern Maryland woman was seriously injured in a mishap involving a sex toy over the weekend. The case was first reported on BayNet.com, and Saint Mary's County Public Safety sources confirmed the information to WUSA in Washington, D.C.

The accident was reported to local fire and rescue personnel about 1:30 a.m. on March 7, from an address on Rogers Drive. The man who made the 911 call said he had placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade, and then used the power tool on his partner, but the blade cut through the plastic and injured the woman.

The victim, a 27-year-old woman, was reportedly injured and bleeding. She was later flown to Prince George's hospital center by Maryland State Police helicopter.

County law enforcement officials who were familiar with the media report about this case said, although they were not initially called to investigate the incident, they would likely follow up to determine it was just an accident and involved consensual behavior.'

Doy.

After two days I just figured out why my phone would keep repeating the same track instead of continuous play.

It's not my fault it... didn't come with an instructional manual.

Who falls for this stuff?

[Click image to enlarge]

This was in my magazine email account.

I don't get nearly as much spam in my other email addies.

Grody

Burger King Employee Takes Bath In Sink, Feels Wrath Of Health Department

Ummmm.....

That's not a cat.

I'm pretty sure it's a possum.

My favorite part: 'Not friendly' and 'not house broken'.

Ha ha ha.

Drunk Dialing 911 [999 In The UK]

Today In - 'People Are Dumb'

Um, doy.

You can just walk over the paint.

Granted it would make a mess, but at least you don't die or anything.

Austin Man Paints Himself Into Corner, Trapped for 24 Hours

'Austin, TX - An elderly man painted himself into a corner of his North Austin home and was trapped there for more than 24 hours as the paint dried.

The story unfolded in the Wells Branch area of North Austin on Saturday. The man, who lives alone, was renovating his one-story home and had been painting several rooms of the house. His near-fatal mistake took place in a spare bedroom of the old house, where he mistakenly began painting the wood floors from the doorway inward — as opposed to working toward the door.

By the time he realized the error, he had painted himself into the rear corner of the bedroom.

“I was horrified when I turned around,” said 80-year-old Bart Billings. “I got caught up in my work and didn’t even think about where I was painting. I turned around and saw that I was trapped, and my heart just sank.”

To make matters worse, Billings had applied two coats of paint and a coat of over-sealer to the wood floors, which made the drying process take longer than usual.

“I thought I was done for,” said Billings. “My heart medication was in the other room, not even fifteen feet away, but I couldn’t get to it because of the paint.”

After being trapped in the room for nearly 24 hours, Billings caught a lucky break. His next-door neighbor went to a garden shed in his backyard that was near the window of the room where Billings was trapped. By shouting and knocking on the window, Billings was able to get the attention of his neighbor, who called the police.

Twenty minutes later, the fire department was able to extricate Billings from the painted room by using a hoist and harness system to lift him over the still-drying paint.

Billings was taken to Seton Hospital in North Austin where he was found to be dehydrated but otherwise in good health. He was released within an hour.

Billings says he will continue refurbishing the floors in his home, but he will be more careful to start in the back and work toward the door.'

Ha ha.

'Office bimbette: So, my friend got me a Sudoku book, but I can't start doing it yet because she has to send the Sudoku pencil. It has an eraser on the end -- only Sudoku makes them that way.'

Overheard In The Office

People are dumb.

In regards to the State overturning the ban on alcohol sales on Sunday:

'"We're going to have more DUIs on Sunday now. We're probably going to have more alcohol-related car accidents. We're going to have more hit and run accidents. We're probably going to have more college students and underage drinking as a result of this," said Rep. Larry Liston (R-Colorado Springs).'

He's from Colorado Springs.

Figures.

Liquor stores get closer to Sunday sales

Ha.

'MELBOURNE, Australia - Two Australian robbers thought they were hauling away a big sack of cash from the Cuckoo Restaurant, but it turned out to be bread rolls — and one of them accidentally shot the other in the buttocks during the heist.'

Dough! Hapless thieves mistake bread for cash

Ha

Teacher calls police after karaoke scare

School custodian's rendition of 'Welcome to the Jungle' prompts police call

'ROXBURY, Conn. - Karaoke can be scary, but threatening? A school custodian's impromptu after-hours karaoke performance prompted a police response when a teacher thought she was being threatened over the loudspeaker.

State police say the teacher at Booth Free School barricaded herself inside a classroom Wednesday when she mistook someone singing a Guns N' Roses song over the public address system for a threat.

She was working after hours and thought no one else was in the building. Then she heard someone say over the loudspeaker that she was going to die.

Six troopers and three police dogs showed up and found three teenagers, one of them a custodian at the school, who had been playing with the public address system.

Police say one of them sang "Welcome to the Jungle" into the microphone. The song contains the lyrics "You're in the jungle baby; you're gonna die."

The teenagers were cuffed for about 15 minutes while police investigated. They didn't realize anyone else was in the school at the time. No charges will be filed, said state police Sgt. Brian Ness.'

Sounds like my Saturday nights.

Man drinks liter of vodka at airport line

'BERLIN (AP) - A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down - and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.

A doctor called to the scene determined he had possibly life-threatening alcohol poisoning, and he was sent to a Nuremberg clinic for treatment.

The man, whose name was not released, is expected to be able to complete his journey home in a few days.'

Nice

Famous Like Me

I say let her fry.

I wouldn't want some person blasting a horn in my neighborhood. Especially for the Broncos.

Neighbor never meant for Broncos fan to 'have a criminal experience'

'ADAMS COUNTY – The 69-year-old woman who faces a disorderly conduct charge for her Broncos celebration met in the magistrate's office on Monday.

Jeri Priest, who honks a contraption she calls "The Broncos Horn" after each Denver score on game day, met in the magistrates office to go over the charges she faces.

"We need to get all the police reports, witness statements and all the information relevant to this case, so that we can do a full investigation and make a decision as to what the appropriate course for this case is to take," said J.P. Moore, chief trial deputy attorney.

Priest faces the misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct which carries a maximum penalty of a $500 fine and 6 months in jail. She is due back in court on December 18 for a pre-trial conference.

After every Broncos' score, Priest and her husband Larry and their neighbors let off one hearty honk for each point scored. The horn is an odd-looking device Larry Priest built 30 years ago. It's a two-wheel dolly carrying six car horns all hooked to a car battery. A relay switch allows Jeri Priest to sound the horn from the comfort of her home.

"Go Broncos, I love the Broncos. I don't care if they lost yesterday, I still honk the horns, I'm always a Broncos fan," said Priest.

The neighbor, who asked 9NEWS to remain anonymous, has called the Adams County Sheriff's Department numerous times to complain about the noise. On October 21, as the Broncos battled the Steelers, deputies filed an arrest report accusing Priest of disorderly conduct.

He told 9NEWS he never meant for this to get out of hand this way.

"I'm not asking for the horn to be silenced," the man said, "I'm asking for it to be strategically placed. It's not my intent for a 70-year-old woman to have a criminal experience."

He went on to say, "I would like everyone to know, I tried to go there a couple of years ago to try to talk to them, as any neighborhood. Jeri Priest was very rude ... she didn't want to point it behind the house, she wouldn't do it."

The Priests say they have since put the horn in their backyard.

The neighbor told 9NEWS, "I will drop the charges if I get a firm commitment from them that they put the horn in their back yard pointing north or east--pointing away from my house."

The man also said the "whole problem is the result of the lack of communication. I would even pay for a mediator to talk to them."

He said the horn is more than 10 times the acceptable decibel amount, it's very loud and "bases through my house."'

Schoo Choo yerrrself....Miiiiishter Sch-Train

Woman being 'silly' hit by freight train

'MARYSVILLE, Calif. (AP) - A 54-year-old woman was recovering in the hospital after being hit by a Union Pacific freight train south of Marysville.

Deborah Thompson told authorities afterward that she drank a bottle of whiskey before she wandered to the railroad tracks and tried to wave the train to a stop. When asked why, she told Yuba County sheriff's deputies she was just being silly.

Instead, the train hit her and knocked her 20 to 30 yards.

Thompson suffered head injuries and a fractured thigh bone but was conscious and talking after the accident.'

I love that she snorts off air.

I guess it's and old clip that's been around.

Much like the blogger I stole it from.

Ha ha.

Just kidding J*O*E!

Is it wrong I find this funny as well?

[Image is not of the Haunted House billboard]

'If she thinks that's bad one of Amarillo TX's perennial haunted houses had a billboard this year with a dummy being hanged underneath it.

Not only that, the dummy had some pneumatics in him to make him kick while dangling from the noose.

911 got bombarded for DAYS about the dummy.

I thought it was hilarious.'

The Walmart Halloween Display That's So Scary It Gives Your Children Nightmares

Update: Local news story on this here.

----------------
Now playing: Living in the past - Midge Ure
via FoxyTunes

Literally, caught on tape.

Man uses duct tape as mask in liquor store robbery

'ASHLAND, Ky. - There usually isn't much humor in robbery, but the employees of Shamrock Liquors can't stop laughing about what happened last Friday.

Police say Kasey Kazee walked in to the store with duct tape wrapped around his head to conceal his face.

Fortunately, store manager Bill Steele had some duct tape of his own.

Steele had a wooden club wrapped with duct tape that eventually sent the suspect fleeing the store.

Store employee Craig Miller says he chased Kazee to the parking lot, tackled him and held him in a choke position until police arrived.

An unidentified customer also helped.

Kazee said in a jailhouse interview police got the wrong man and Kazee says he has no memory of going in to the liquor store.

He also says he has no memory of police removing the duct tape.

When asked how he could deny being the duct tape bandit even though police have photos showing him with the duct tape on and then a photo where Kazee's face is revealed, Kazee looked straight at the camera and said, "Do I look like the duct tape bandit to you?"

Miller says Kazee also had a t-shirt pulled up around his head during the robbery attempt, and that it reminded him of the "Cornholio" character from the "Beavis and Butthead" cartoon.

Steele says Kazee did get away with two rolls of change before he could grab his club and chase him away.

Police found much of that change in the parking lot.'

Her crack, really was whack.

Woman calls police about 'fake' cocaine

'ROCHELLE, Ga. (AP) - A woman was arrested after she called police to help "get her money back" after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased.

Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake."

She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the Wilcox County Sheriff's Office into her kitchen and showed them the drugs, police said.

She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.'

Went back to Ohio, and all my civil rights were gone.

Makes me glad I don't live in Ohio, and that I'm not a woman.

Abortion law would give fathers a say State legislators propose change; opponents blast bill as 'extreme'

'Several Ohio state representatives who normally take an anti-abortion stance are now pushing pro-choice legislation - sort of.

Led by Rep. John Adams, a group of state legislators have submitted a bill that would give fathers of unborn children a final say in whether or not an abortion can take place.

It's a measure that, supporters say, would finally give fathers a choice.

"This is important because there are always two parents and fathers should have a say in the birth or the destruction of that child," said Adams, a Republican from Sidney. "I didn't bring it up to draw attention to myself or to be controversial. In most cases, when a child is born the father has financial responsibility for that child, so he should have a say."

As written, the bill would ban women from seeking an abortion without written consent from the father of the fetus. In cases where the identity of the father is unknown, women would be required to submit a list of possible fathers. The physician would be forced to conduct a paternity test from the provided list and then seek paternal permission to abort.

Claiming to not know the father's identity is not a viable excuse, according to the proposed legislation. Simply put: no father means no abortion.

"I'm really pleased that this has been proposed for one reason - it draws attention to the fact that many men are concerned and care for their unborn children," said Denise Mackura, the director of the Ohio Right to Life Society. "You have no idea how many men call telling me about their girlfriends who plan to abort, asking what they can do to help her. They do want to help and they should have a voice."

With the proposal, men would be guaranteed that voice under penalty of law. First time violators would by tried for abortion fraud, a first degree misdemeanor. The same would be the case for men who falsely claim to be fathers and for medical workers who knowingly perform an abortion without paternal consent.

In addition, women would be required to present a police report in order to prove a pregnancy is the result of rape or incest.

As is the case whenever abortion is the topic, sharp opposition has come from members of the House, along with multiple activist groups. The National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Activist League and the Ohio Right to Life Society have both spoken out against the legislation.

"This extreme bill shows just how far some of our state legislators are willing to go to rally a far-right base that is frustrated with the pro-choice gains made in the last election," said NARAL Pro-choice Ohio executive director Kellie Copeland. "It is completely out of touch with Ohio's mainstream values. This measure is a clear attack on a woman's freedom and privacy."

The proposal came less than two weeks after Rep. Tom Brinkman proposed legislation that would ban all abortions in Ohio. Brinkman, a Republican from Cincinnati, was one of eight representatives to co-sponsor Adams' bill.

With the recent liberal swing in Ohio state government, neither bill is likely to come to fruition. However, Adams' less extreme proposal has an outside chance of becoming law - a law that would have a major impact in Portage County and surrounding areas.

Portage has been among the leading Ohio counties in abortion-to-birth ratios since abortion was legalized in 1973. Since 1996, about 20 percent of Portage County pregnancies have been aborted - the seventh highest percentage in the state according to information from the Ohio Department of Health. The total comes to more than 4,300 abortions in 10 years.

Cuyahoga County has the highest abortion percentage with more than 30 percent of its residents' pregnancies being terminated. Summit County is also near the top of the list with a 21 percent termination rate.

Mackura doesn't think those numbers are likely to change anytime soon, though. Precedent from the U.S. Supreme Court indicates that, even if Adams' bill passed, it would likely be ruled unconstitutional by the courts.

"Simply taking a look at this as a possibility is a step in the right direction," Mackura said. "Pregnancy is a unique human condition and obviously a woman is affected differently than a man. As a woman, I can sympathize. However, to completely take rights away from the father is unfair.

"Currently, even in a marriage situation, a man has no right to even be informed of an abortion. But if a woman doesn't have an abortion, men sure have a lot of responsibility then. It's really not fair."'