Whew.

[Image by Kim Koehler for 303 Magazine]

So, April's 'He Said, She Said' column for 303 Magazine, is 'Does size matter?'

After getting that assignment a few weeks ago, I have been wrestling with what my 'Gay Of The Village' response would be. Previously, I had a story get cut because it was deemed 'too gross' to print. So I knew I had to walk a fine line between being 'offensive', and sharing too much [personal] information.

I've sweated it for weeks.

Today, on deadline, I finally figured out what I would say.

I'd take the clinical approach.

The result:

'The politically correct thing to say, is that, no, it doesn’t.

But in reality, sorry guys, it does.

So does girth.

But so does, ‘the motion in the ocean’.

Getting back to size, most clinical studies, where the measurements were not self-administered, including one performed by the Kinsey group, state that the average size of an adult male’s endowment, is between five and six inches, with 87% of men falling within the five to seven range. Average girth equates to being equal in length.

This measurement was taken on the top, from the base of the groin, to the end of the tip. Most clinical studies, again, including the Kinsey report, state that the largest measurement on file is between eight and nine inches.

The BBC however, featured Jonah Falcon in a special called ‘The World’s Largest Penis’. He measures in at thirteen inches, and has been noted to say, that having such an endowment, is not all it’s cracked up to be. Oxford did a study that found the world’s smallest endowment being such, that they believed the guy to be inter-sexed.

Once you start getting to the extreme variants of the average size member, you deal with complications, or disappointment. There can be too much, or too little, of a good thing.'

The Pietasters - 'Out All Night'

I swear to god he was singing:

'When you cry it smells like soup,
A lot like Shonen Knife, never be my wife'

instead of:

'When you cry it smells like soup,
Sometimes shown at night, never be the way'

Fun band to see live by the way.

Way Back Wednesday - S'Express

'Superfly Guy'




'Hey Music Lover'

Front Line Assembly - 'Mindphaser'

This video is 15 years old. Not bad for a low budget vid. I remember thinking it was from a movie when I was a kid. If not, they should have made it in to one.

Massive Attack - 'Protection'

Awesome video by Michel Gondry that matches the song brilliantly.

Gayest, Camp Video Ever

A local TV station here, used to play all these videos on a show called Teletunes. Exposed me to a lot of Brit music.

Army Of Lovers - 'Crucified'

Raver Classic: Altern8 - 'Evapor 8'

Miss those Roland 303's and 808's. If I remember correctly, the face masks caused controversy when they were on British TV, right?

On a side note:

Drugs? What drugs? Raving is all about the music. Ravers don't do drugs.

The KLF - 'What Time Is Love'

The story of KLF is kind of interesting. Like supposedly giving a group of reporters Ecstasy, and making them participate in a Summer Solstice ritual. I remember being in to them in the early 90's.

Or their collaboration with Tammy Wynette: 'Justified And Ancient'

Raver Classic: Opus III - 'It's A Fine Day'

Sinead O'Connor - 'Troy [Push Remix]'

Ha!

'Not only are active college Christians like 99.99% Asian, but giving the REVEREND Al Sharpton as an example? That's like saying 'most women, including this hooker, tend to be whores.'

Black History Month Ends On Bad Week For Brown People

Robots!

The Polecats - 'Make A Circuit With Me'

The Stone Roses rule.

One of my favorite songs by them. They're on par with 'The Smiths' in regards to my affinity.

'I Wanna Be Adored'

Parenting's overrated anyway.

Police say mother sold 5-month-old for $10,000

'Pueblo Police say they responded to St. Mary Corwin Hospital on Monday on a tip that an infant that was sold by his mother.

Police say 23-year-old Nicole Uribe, a Mexican national, sold her baby boy to a couple on February 21.

Court documents show Uribe sold the baby for $10,000 cash. She then put a down payment on a Dodge Intrepid.

'Mom obviously wanted to get rid of the child for one reason or another and these other people were willing to take the child and then there was an exchange of monetary money.' said Sgt. Brett A. Wilson with the Pueblo Police Department.

Police say Uribe sold the baby to 28-year-old Irene and 48-year-old Jose-Juan Lerma, who are also both Mexican nationals.

Uribe and the Lermas were arrested on charges of trafficking a child.

Uribe is also on an immigration hold because she is in the country illegally. She is being held on $50,000 bond in the Pueblo County Jail.

If she is convicted, she would serve her sentence in the United States and then be deported.

The Lermas are also in custody on $50,000 bond.

The boy was found Monday and is currently in a foster home. He was born in Pueblo. Police are still looking for the baby's birth father.

Child trafficking carries a prison sentence of up to 24 years and up to a $750,000 fine.'

Ick.

What about the Wonder Twins?

'Justice League' to the Big Screen

'Last week's announcement that Warner Bros. was developing a movie version of the classic superhero group the Justice League of America, entitled "Justice League," was a dream many geeks never thought would happen.

Even more exciting was that Variety reported the movie wouldn't just include Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman but also possibly longtime JLA members The Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter.

How the screenwriters, Kieran and Michele Mulroney, will make it all work is anyone's guess. More importantly, can the studio convince the current movie versions of Superman and Batman, Brandon Routh and Christian Bale, respectively, to come on board another franchise?

As it currently stands, Christopher Nolan's "Batman Begins" sequel, "The Dark Knight," will begin shooting this spring for a 2008 release. Warner Bros. expects a new "Superman" movie from Bryan Singer in 2009.

They also recently announced that "Night at the Museum" director Shawn Levy would take the reigns of "The Flash." New screenwriters were also brought on board for the long-delayed "Wonder Woman" feature. Would that push "Justice League" to 2010 or beyond? Or, could it become the cinematic launching pad for both characters?

The studio has experienced this scenario before. It developed a Batman and Superman project, "World's Finest," that Wolfgang Petersen spearheaded, while at the same time investing in the individual features that became "Batman Begins" and "Superman Returns." Ultimately, the solo projects got the go ahead and "Finest" was put on the shelf.

It's possible the studio may go with either a "League" movie or solo pictures for the scarlet speedster and the amazing Amazon -- after scripts for all three are worked on. This won't thrill the individual producers working on all these projects, but it might up the ante to churn out something worth spending the big bucks on.

In the meantime, word was circulating that one of the ideas the Mulroneys had was to structure "League" with an older Batman who was guiding a younger Superman and Wonder Woman. The rumor ends with the studio wanting Tom Welling (Smallville) portraying the younger Man of Steel, but that's hard to believe considering Routh is more than two years younger than his TV counterpart.

Because both Routh and Bale have multiyear deals to play their respective characters, it wouldn't be surprising to see a "League" movie negotiated as one of their current commitments.'

'I Be Strokin''

Come to think of it...

I don't think I have ever seen a homeless Asian person. In Denver, anyways.

• Nearly half were single adult men.
• Nearly a quarter were minors.
• Less than 2 percent were older than 65.
• About 59 percent were members of minority groups.
• About 45 percent were black.
• About a quarter had a disability, though experts said the percentage is probably much higher.

Report: 750,000 homeless in U.S.

Yikes.

For want of a dentist

Maryland boy, 12, dies after bacteria from tooth spread to his brain

'WASHINGTON - Twelve-year-old Deamonte Driver died of a toothache Sunday.

A routine, $80 tooth extraction might have saved him.

If his mother had been insured.

If his family had not lost its Medicaid.

If Medicaid dentists weren't so hard to find.

If his mother hadn't been focused on getting a dentist for his brother, who had six rotted teeth.

By the time Deamonte's own aching tooth got any attention, the bacteria from the abscess had spread to his brain, doctors said. After two operations and more than six weeks of hospital care, the Prince George's County boy died.'

Whoa.

Obese British boy will stay with mom

Officials had debated taking 218-pound 8-year-old into protective custody

'LONDON - A mother who feared she might lose custody of her obese 8-year-old son unless he lost weight was allowed to keep the boy after striking a deal Tuesday with social workers to safeguard his welfare.

The case has set off a debate over child obesity and raised questions about whether genetics, junk food or bad parenting is to blame.

Connor McCreaddie, of Wallsend in northeastern England, weighs 218 pounds, four times the weight of a healthy child his age.

When he was two and a half, Connor was too heavy for his mother to pick him up, and at 5, he weighed more than 126 pounds, said The Journal, a regional newspaper. Now the boy, who is tall for his age at 5 feet, wears adult clothes and size eight shoes, the newspaper said.

Sky TV showed footage of Connor’s mother serving him meals of french fries, meat and buttered bread.

'He'll hover around the kitchen for food. He'll continually go in the fridge,' McKeown said of her son. 'I just keep telling him to get out of the fridge, wait until meal times and stuff. But at the end of the day, he was born hungry. He has always been hungry.''

Having Madonna as a mother, would kind of suck.

She's just like her father: strict and domineering. She doesn't let Lourdes or Rocco watch TV, read magazines, eat junk food or dairy, and 'gets rid of' Lourdes' clothes, if she leaves them laying about. And just yesterday, it made the rounds, that Lourdes can't date until she's 18. That kid is so going to rebel.

Plus, can you imagine the stigma of being her kid? Talk about high expectations.

Maybe her and Daniel Radcliffe, will join Sean Preston and Jaden, in Promises with a heroin problem.

I guess the only upside of being her spawn, is the money and opportunity.

You know it's been a long winter when.....

32 degrees feels downright balmy.

Curiosity killed the Pee Wee.

After hearing about it for a while, curiousity got the best of me and had to check it out. Pete Wentz, from Fall Out Boy, took self pics of his package, and got leaked to the 'nets.

It's not bad, for a hipster, but I am more freaked out by the wallpaper, and the Morrissey pic, in the bathroom. [Link definitely NSFW]

Pete Wentz: Fall out (of pants) boy

Confessions Of An Obsessive Compulsive

I was packing my lunch for tomorrow, when I started laughing. I realized I was like the 'Anal Retentive Chef' skit, made famous by Phil Hartman, on SNL back in the day. See below pics.

Ha.

Anal.

Denver In Virtual 3D

The Feeling - 'Never Be Lonely'

Hubba hubba to the lead singer. Sometimes I find this song annoying, and other times I don't.

Wilford Brimley - 'Diabetus'

Ha.

stopmikelupica says:

'Indeed, to the British we are Mexico, a place with unbelievably cheap drinks, women and food. We live in British Acapulco.'

Ads Presume Europeans As Stupid As Midwesterners

Project Food

Some of you may find this boring, but I have been kicking around the idea of tracking how much money I actually spend on food. I flip flop between stages where all I do is eat out, or other times, when all I do is cook.

So for the month of March, I think I begin tracking all that here. Heck, I might even throw in calories/fat to check that. No special diet or anything, just track my diet.

They make it sound like camping.

'The odyssey began in 2005. Bussell was working full time as a "Mac genius" at the Apple Store in Newport Beach, sharing a $1,600-per-month apartment. He had racked up more than $10,000 in credit-card debt and was struggling to pay for school and save money. So on July 29, 2005, he started living in his truck, with the goal of lasting one year.

Co-workers created a pool on how long the truck life would last, with the longest prediction three months.

"I've beat that," he said. "Once you find a routine, it's actually really easy."

Most mornings, Bussell heads to the university gym to shower, shave and brush his teeth. Then he heads to class, and later to work. Evenings are often spent rock climbing or doing yoga, visiting friends or studying in the student union, which has wireless Internet access. Then he heads back to the truck, which he parks in a variety of locations, and plays guitar, reads with a battery-powered headlamp or watches DVDs on his laptop.

There have been hiccups along the way. Less than two months after Bussell began living in his truck, he was ticketed by a police officer, who told him it was illegal to sleep in a vehicle. The citation cost him $177.50, "but when you haven't paid rent for ... months, it's not that bad," he said.

His mail goes to a post-office box. What he misses most are a kitchen and a bathroom. To deal with the former, he buys food such as yogurt and fruit in small quantities; for as regards the latter, he takes advantage of public facilities. On occasion, he has resorted to employing an empty Gatorade bottle.

"It's handy being a guy," he said.

Bussell planned to end his time in the truck after completing a nearly three-month road trip last summer. But upon his return, he became busy with work and school, and hasn't had time to think about moving into permanent lodgings.

The credit-card debt, which was part of the reason for his decision to live in a vehicle, is nearly paid off.'

Debt drives student to live in pickup

I'd hate to see the fries.

Restaurant creates 123-pound burger

'CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) - The newest addition to the menu at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub is one whopper of a burger.

The Beer Barrel Main Event Charity Burger weighs in at 123 pounds, a meaty monstrosity that its cooks maintain shatters the world record of 105 pounds shared by two restaurants in New Jersey and Thailand.

The sizable sandwich features an 80-pound beef patty, along with a pound each of lettuce, ketchup, relish, mustard and mayonnaise, 160 slices of cheese, up to five onions and 12 tomatoes.

It's topped with a couple of pounds of banana peppers, then sandwiched into a 30-pound bun. Don't forget the garnish of 33 pickles.

There's a pretty hefty price tag, too: $379.

The Clearfield pub unveiled the menu item over the weekend. Restaurant owner Denny Leigey said he plans to submit paperwork on his colossal culinary creation to the Guinness Book of World Records.

It's not the first time that Leigey has waded into the competition for the world's biggest burger. He drew headlines a couple years ago when he unveiled the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, which weighed in at a mere 15 pounds.

Leigey said he didn't know how many calories were stuffed into his latest gigantic entree.

"If you were worried about calories you would be at home eating Kellogg's," he said.'

This study is, so like, below me.

College students think they're so special

Study finds alarming rise in narcissism, self-centeredness in 'Generation Me'

'NEW YORK - Today's college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors, according to a comprehensive new study by five psychologists who worry that the trend could be harmful to personal relationships and American society.

'We need to stop endlessly repeating 'You’re special' and having children repeat that back,' said the study's lead author, Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University. 'Kids are self-centered enough already.'

Twenge and her colleagues, in findings to be presented at a workshop Tuesday in San Diego on the generation gap, examined the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory between 1982 and 2006.

The standardized inventory, known as the NPI, asks for responses to such statements as 'If I ruled the world, it would be a better place,' 'I think I am a special person' and 'I can live my life any way I want to.'

The researchers describe their study as the largest ever of its type and say students' NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. By 2006, they said, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, 30 percent more than in 1982.'

What's the difference...

between 'knob', and 'nob'?

Ha!

'These are a few of my grandmother's Hummels, a sort of collectible German figurine that ranks somewhere between Beanie Babies and Faberge eggs in terms of classiness/worth (far, far closer to Beanie Babies).

Though my mother and aunt are also rabid fans, my cousin and I have been unnerved by these since we were children, and whenever we're told that we stand to inherit them, we usually just look at each other, shrug, and say "You can have 'em." The worst part about them is that they depict cherubic young German children from the Nazi era doing mundane, angelic things that I have never seen a single child do, let alone a Hitler Youth.

1. I'm not sure there is a pose in the world that can make one look stupider than "Staring Blankly at Two Piglets While Wearing Leiderhosen".

2. He is looking (slightly downward) into your soul.

3. First off, I don't know who issues a 6-year old a shotgun, but that seems a moot point. Second, he's using binoculars to presumably look for his next kill, when there's a rabbit not two feet in front of him. Third, nothing robs you of your innocence more than a porcelain depiction of a rabbit asking to be shot.'

Rubber Buns and Liquor

How many of you...

have emailed, or IM'd the person sitting next to you, instead of getting up to talk to them?

Alan Arkin On Abigail Breslin - Red Carpet Interview

'On the Oscar® red carpet, when asked how Breslin is responding to the attention as a Oscar® nominee (nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role), Arkin said, "I hope she loses frankly. No, I'm serious. I am not joking."

Arkin added, "I hope she loses. What, next year she is going to get the Nobel Prize, it's enough. She has had enough attention. I love her and I love her family; and I feel enough is enough. She is a kid; she needs to have a childhood....I hope she loses."'

Alan Arkin: Hollywood's Voice Of Reason

Holy geez.

That was quick. I just mailed the thing in on Friday night and they already processed it?

Wow.

I have heard good things about them. We'll see.

The new niche porn?

Travelers Weary Of 'X-Rated' Security Scanners

Pee Wee's OCD Tip Of The Day - 'Lettuce'

Think that fresh head of lettuce you got from the store is clean?

Soak it in a bath of water for 15 to 30 minutes, and you'll see all kinds of critters and dirt that is actually on it. I usually soak the lettuce in hot water, with a mixture of salt and vinegar in it.

What's even worse, is Queen Soopers often stocks the Boston Lettuce I buy, by the spinach.

Interesting side note:

'Butter lettuce contains lactucarium which has effects similar to those of opium. Because of its sedative properties, it is recommended for treating insomnia, intestinal spasms and palpitations.

It is said that the emperor Domitian "tortured" his guests at banquets by serving them a head of lettuce at the beginning of the meal. Not allowed to nod off in front of his imperial majesty, they were forced to fight off their sleepiness for hours.'

Ha.

Saw this awesome French Canadian movie over the weekend, 'Seducing Doctor Lewis', and look at what IMDB shows as suggestions. 'Doctor Lewis' has nothing to do with sex, drugs, rock and roll. Or zombies in a mall. Nor shark attacks, complicated love triangles, or vacationing in the Pacific.

Ouch!

Dandy Warhols - 'Not If You Were the Last Junkie On Earth'

A video by one of my favorite photogs, David La Chappelle.

I was bit by a Doberman as a kid.

Boy mauled by family dog goes home

'WELD COUNTY – A 9-year-old boy who was mauled by the family’s black Labrador Retriever is now home from the hospital.

Josh Jolliff was critically injured last week at his home in Erie when the family’s 8-year-old dog, named Gordie, attacked him.

Josh's ear and scalp were ripped off during the attack and he had to undergo extensive reconstructive surgery at The Children’s Hospital in Denver.

When police arrived, the dog charged an officer and the dog was shot and killed.

The family says the attack was unprovoked. They say the dog was chained outside and attacked Josh when the 9-year-old went over to pet him.

There are 4.7 million dog bites a year in the U.S.; 368,000 of those people end up in the hospital.

Studies show the highest risk factors include:

• The dog is an unneutered male.
• A family pet chained in a yard.
• The victim is under 12 years old.

The attack by Gordie fit all of those criteria.

Veterinarian Dr. Missy Tasky with the Gentle Hands Animal Clinic says all breeds will bite, but some can be more problematic.

'You have to remember that dogs are predatory animals, and any dog can bite,' said Tasky. 'Labs are in general pretty good, but they can be a little iffy sometimes. They can be high strung.'

Tasky says studies implicate several breeds as biters.

"Pit bulls because of their history; I wouldn't recommend German Shepards. Sometimes the northern breeds, the Akitas, can be a little high strung. Dobermans, occasionally Chows, especially can be aggressive,' she said.

However, Tasky wants to reinforce that the most common risk factors do not involve specific breeds.'

I sooo want to make this my new avatar.

'The Number 24'

'I'm hip. I'm with it. Ducka, ducka, ducka....'

So I finally relented. I have set up my blogger peeps on a Bloglines feed, and I have to say, it is the best thing since refrigeration.

It's basically and RSS feeder, and instead of having to trudge over to someone's page, only to find it dormant, and non-updated, I just go to one that shows recent updates.

I don't know why it took me so long to adapt this new widget.

So to my peeps, if you stat counters don't show any hits from me, it's because I can read it in Bloglines.

'Splodin Chowda

Don't know what made me think of this, but I once was heating up a can of Campbell's Clam Chowder, and it exploded!

The microwave was done, I pulled out the bowl, and when I went to stir it up to disperse the heat evenly, it popped, and steaming hot chowder flew out of the bowl, landing on my arms and face, as well as counter and cabinets.

It actually kinda hurt; like a grease fire burn.

So be wary of the chowder.

I guess it has happened to other people too.

Ha. New Yorkers.

Audio NSFW

Good times.

I used to live at Rock Island, on the weekends, in high school. Met a lot of people there, and it proved to be my raver training ground.

From Denver Infill:

"In December 2006 St. Charles Town Co. purchased the Rock Island Building at 1614 15th Street, which is a turn-of-the-century brick building fronting 15th Street between Wazee and Wynkoop streets in the Lower Downtown Historic District of Denver. Redevelopment plans call for the creation of a mixed-use project consisting of high-end office space above a ground floor restaurant or bar/nightclub. 10,000 square feet of highly-efficient office space is currently available on the top two floors, which is divisible to 5,000 square feet per floor with direct elevator access. The building will be ready for occupancy during the fall/winter of 2007.

The four-story building was originally constructed in 1890 and was one of several warehouses occupied by the Studebaker Carriage & Wagon Company. In 1986, the building was purchased by a group of early Lower Downtown real estate speculators, who installed a nightclub on the basement and first floors to offset building costs. No substantial renovation has occurred in the building since 1986.'

Ick.

'In addition to shredding paper and biting Dad, Carla cleans Avery's teeth and sticks her head in Avery's mouth.

Lovebird's antics land 9-year-old owner a gig on the Ellen show

Nice.

I hope...

they change the Wild Oats on Cap Hill over to a Whole Foods. It would definitely give Queen Soopers a run for the money.

Wild Oats stores to face scrutiny

'Older, smaller Wild Oats stores could be closed as the chain is acquired by Whole Foods, industry watchers said.

A cluster of stores in Boulder and another concentration in Denver are likely to get a hard look by Whole Foods as it considers which stores to close, they said.

"They're going to look at an overall map of these two chains and if they have stores that they think are competing in the same marketplace, they're going to close one," said Jon Schallert, a retail consultant in Longmont.

Wild Oats has smaller stores in general, "so unless those stores can be reformatted or expanded, they may be on the chopping block," said Mary Beth Jenkins, president of the Laramie Co., a commercial real-estate brokerage firm.

Some older, smaller Wild Oats stores, such as at 1111 S. Washington St. near I-25, and at 900 E. 11th Ave near Cheesman Park, may not fit into the Whole Foods prototype.

In Boulder, aside from the new Twenty Ninth Street Wild Oats prototype store being built, other Wild Oats stores are smaller.

"I suspect that those Wild Oats stores are the ones they'll be looking at" as they determine how to consolidate, said Susan Graf, president of the Boulder Chamber of Commerce. '

There will be no busting of moves, at Buddakan.

Court backs NYC's ban on dancing in bars

'NEW YORK (AP) - Come and meet those dancing feet, up on 42nd Street - but only in nightspots with special licenses.

The city's 80-year-old cabaret law banning dancing by patrons in ordinary bars and restaurants is legal, the state Supreme Court's Appellate Division ruled Thursday.

The Gotham West Coast Swing Club and several people had sued, saying the law violated their constitutional right to free expression.

But the appeals court backed the law, which was enacted in the Prohibition era to crack down on speakeasies.

"Recreational dancing is not a form of expression protected by the federal or state constitutions," the court wrote.

City lawyer Norman Corenthal welcomed the court's decision, saying it upheld the city's right to enforce laws that protect residential areas from noise, congestion and safety hazards.

The plaintiffs claimed that in the 1960s, about 1,000 places legally allowed patrons to dance, but fewer than 300 such places exist now. They also had challenged the city's application of zoning laws, arguing it was arbitrary and capricious.

Norman Siegel, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, said he was considering an appeal.'

Seniors Kill

U.S. tourist kills mugger with bare hands

Retired GI puts armed Costa Rican in headlock, companions fend off others

'SAN JOSE, Costa Rica - An American senior citizen killed an alleged mugger with his bare hands, and his traveling companions aboard a tour bus fended off two other assailants in the Atlantic coast city of Limon, police said.

A retired member of the U.S. military aged about 70 put suspect Warner Segura in a head lock and broke his clavicle after the 20-year-old and two other men armed with a knife and gun held up their tour bus, Luis Hernandez, the police chief of Limon, 80 miles east of San Jose, said Thursday. Segura was later declared dead, apparently from asphyxiation.

The two other men fled when the 12 senior citizens started defending themselves during the Wednesday attack. Afterward, the tourists drove Segura to the Red Cross where he was declared dead. The Red Cross also treated one of the tourists for an anxiety attack, Hernandez said.
Story continues below ↓ advertisement

The tourists left on their Carnival cruise ship after the incident and Hernandez said authorities do not plan to press any charges against them.'

Overheard In The Office

Tech: I want to quit crack. Start a diet. You know, that kind of thing.

- Thornton, Co

Squid-a-licious

'"I can assure you that this is going to draw phenomenal interest. It is truly amazing," said Dr. Steve O'Shea, a squid expert at the Auckland University of Technology. If calamari rings were made from the squid they would be the size of tractor tires, he added.'

Fishermen net surprise catch

'Nuff said.

High-end dog shop's sign raises neighbors' hackles

No thanks.

As I get older, my vertigo increases. I think it is due to all of my face plants.

4,000 feet high, hanging in mid air

'KUSA - Imagine stepping out over the edge of the Grand Canyon, standing on a structure with a glass floor, looking down 4,000 feet to the bottom of the canyon below.

9NEWS Consumer Reporter Mark Koebrich says that opportunity is now just a matter of weeks away. The Grand Canyon "Skywalk" is nearing completion.

It's a structure that may be on the verge of becoming America's newest must see tourist sensation. It could prove to be a huge economic engine for the Haulapai Indians, who live on the west rim of the Grand Canyon and are financing the structure.

Many in the tribe feel the attraction could become the “8th Wonder of the World."

It is a horseshoe shaped steel observation deck, the hopes of one of America's oldest societies is riding on it, or perhaps better stated, "standing" on it.

Mostly, tourists are worried about the canyon's high winds, but the project builders say they'll be safe.

"I don't think you have to worry about the wind at all. Your hair might get a little messed up but this box beam's a monster,” said construction superintendent Don Highsmith. “This Skywalk is going to be fabulous. I don't think it'll ever move."

Highsmith also points out visitors will be surrounded by walls, although they're walls made of glass.

"The walls are two plates of glass also that will be about 4-feet 6-inches high, and you'll have handrails you grab a hold of which you'll need to probably because it's pretty exciting out there looking down through 4,000 feet," he said.

It is a thrill previously not possible at the canyon. The horseshoe shaped structure will extend out more than half the length of a football field.

The floor is also made of glass and walking on it will give the sensation of being suspended in the canyon's pristine air.

The Haulapai need it to be an absolute sensation. The tribe lives largely in poverty with no industry and no casinos.

"The conditions, you can see it as you go through the community that poverty has been there for a long time,” said Sheri Yellowhawk, CEO of the Grand Canyon Resort Corp. "Just look at the conditions of the homes, the conditions of old cars."

It's poverty that Tribal Board of Directors President Theodore Quasula grew up with.

"I grew up primarily raised by my grandmother. We had no running water, we had no electricity, never had a TV, no indoor plumbing," said Quasula. "All the hardships, on the other hand, I think it made us stronger people."

The Haulapai are rich in land. They own a million acres on the rim of the canyon, the focal point of which is now the Skywalk.

Some critics have charged the man-made attraction will spoil the canyon wall. However, the tribe believes it will only enhance the canyon experience.

"I think there was some concern about the serenity of the canyon," said Quasula. "Perhaps defacing, it if you will. But I don't think so. It's going to blend in well."

Astronaut Buzz Aldrin will be first to walk on it on March 20. It opens to the public on March 28.

The Haulapai won't discuss how much the Skywalk cost, but because they are only two hours outside of Las Vegas, they think they have a very marketable project. '

Ruff.

Man arrested for strangling dog

'ARAPAHOE COUNTY – Police say a 41-year-old man was arrested after admitting to choking his dog with its leash until it died on Tuesday.

Police say Robert McDuff told them his 1-year-old Boxer named Dempsey bit him on the right hand.

McDuff told police he strangled Dempsey with its leash. Authorities say they found the dog's body in a plastic bag in the garage at McDuff’s residence.

McDuff was placed in custody at the Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office Detentions Facility and charged with aggravated cruelty to animals – a felony.

McDuff is being held on a $50,000 bond.'

So it's like OD'ing on Mini Thins.

In high school, we used to drink a bunch of booze, and take a bunch of Mini Thins. The precursor to today's Red Bull and vodka. Interestingly enough, Smoky Hill was my high school.

Energy drink gave teens heart palpitations

'COLORADO SPRINGS – A local high school has banned a new energy drink because several students who drank it, ended up in the hospital.

Several students at Doherty High School had to be hospitalized for symptoms ranging from nausea to heart palpitations and shortness of breath after drinking Spike Shooter.

Two other high schools, Aspen Valley and Liberty, have sent notes home to parents warning about the drink.

The can is marked with a warning that it is not for use by those under 16.

The Spike energy drink has 300 milligrams of caffeine per can. That is the equivalent of up to three cups of coffee.

The Colorado Springs-based company that sells the drink, Biotest, told 9NEWS it has warned all promoters not to give the drink to children under 16.

Last week, parents in Aurora complained about a promoter distributing the drink outside Smoky Hill High School.'

Yikes.

Possible hate crime leaves woman severely beaten

'BOULDER – Police are investigating an assault that happened early Wednesday morning as a possible hate crime.

Boulder Police say it happened just before 3 a.m. near 13th Street and Canyon Boulevard.

Police say they received a call from a 21-year-old woman who said she had been assaulted. But did not know where she was. They had to use a GPS signal from her cell phone to find her.

The victim was transported to Boulder Community Hospital with severe injuries to her face.

She told investigators two men she met on Pearl Street Mall made sexual comments to her after she offered them a place to stay for the night.

"She was simply being kind to two people she believed didn't have a place to stay the night," said Commander Greg Testa with the Boulder Police Deparment.

She says she rejected their comments, indicating to them she is gay.

"It was at that point, when she told them that she was gay and not interested in their advances, that the assault occurred," said Testa.

That is when the woman says one of the men punched her and kicked her after she fell. She says the other man told the attacker to stop, but did not physically intervene.

The victim is a student at Naropa University, a fine arts school that advocates peace and kindness.

Both men are described as white between 18 and 21 years old, about 5 feet 7 inches tall and skinny. One of the men had blond hair down to his chin in a 'Beatles-style' haircut and was wearing a dark hooded sweatshirt.

The other man had short dark hair and was wearing a dress shirt with a sequined tie. He also had Mardi Gras beads around his neck. The woman says she thought the second man had a name that began with the letter 'D.' Both men were wearing baggy jeans and the victim says she thought the men said they were from California.

Police say they hope to have composite sketches of the suspects on Thursday.'

Chinese Interwebs Addicts

'A 12-year-old boy receives electric shock treatment for his Internet addiction at the Beijing Military Region Central Hospital on June 17, 2005.'

China treats Internet 'addicts' sternly

So good.

If you like spicy food, you have to check out Original Juan's Jalapeno Microwave Popcorn. Yum.

Now Playing

Over at my buddy Craig C's site. FYI, the Cazwell song in NSFW.

I heart Petty Booka.

The opened for the Aquabats once. Here they cover Madonna's 'Material Girl'

Oh man.

Audio isn't that great. A Faith Evans remix I have, has a sample of this song. Haven't heard this in ages.

The Jets - 'Crush On You'

Funky white people! Get down on it!

He kinda looks like Ray Romano. I dig Johnny Rivers, though.

'Secret Agent Man' [ha I almost typed Asian instead of Agent].

Thrifty, if not ghetto, indeed.

Consumerist

Mmmmm.

Baklava.

Good to know.

We had Middle Eastern brought in today, and it got me to thinking.

A variety of substances are considered forbidden (haraam) as per various Quranic verses:

* Pork, or any pig-based products
* Blood
* Animals slaughtered in the name of anyone but God (Food slaughtered by a Christian or a Jew, can be halal too, if it was slaughtered in God's name)
* Carrion
* "Fanged beasts of prey" as per the Sunnah, usually simplified to all Carnivorous animals with the exception of most fish and sea animals
* And all intoxicants (specifically alcohol)

There is some disagreement among Muslims regarding sea food, especially predatory sea creatures. IFANCA (Islamic Food and Nutrition Council of America) states this regarding the opinion of Islamic scholars:

* All are in agreement that fish with scales are halal
* Sunnis consider all fish to be Halal, while Shias consider some fish haraam[16]. Within Sunnis, there is a strong position that shellfish (shrimp, lobster, crab, clams, etc.) are prohibited. This is most prevalent in the Hanafi school but also has support among some Shafi'i and Maliki scholars.
* Most agree that frogs are haraam due to the prohibition of killing it in hadith.
* Fish found dead in water are haraam

Halal

So are they sinners as well?

Kinda puts a new twist on 'Ram Tough'.

Rams seen switching teams at Springs

'They are Rocky Mountain bighorn sheep, the official state animal of Colorado. The rams are most impressive, with powerful bodies, thick necks and massive trademark horns curling backward into a formidable set of fighting headgear.

Now comes the tricky part.

Some scientists believe many Rocky Mountain bighorn rams are not, uh, some of them are inclined ... well, they do not only have eyes for ewe.

They're Brokeback Mountain bighorn sheep is what they are.

That's right: They're gay.

The air was warm Saturday and the morning sun beamed steady on the hillside in the Garden of the Gods, a city-owned park nestled in the foothills. Snow-laden Pike's Peak loomed against the blue sky beyond the red-rock formations as veteran bighorn observer Dan Larkin moved a tripod into position. He focused his spotting scope on a group of rams feeding on the brown winter grass.

Larkin has been a witness.

"You can't really observe bighorn rams very long without seeing it," said the vice president of the Rocky Mountain Bighorn Society conservation group.' '

I actually like 'Hazeltine'.

'In 1952, two groups tried to incorporate areas north of Denver with overlapping boundaries, one as Commerce Town and the other as Hazeltine.'

Name droppers: Newcomers sour on Commerce

Who keeps buying this aberration of a shoe?

Crocs reports earnings up nearly fivefold

'DENVER (AP) - Offbeat shoe manufacturer Crocs Inc. said Tuesday its net income increased nearly fivefold in the fourth quarter, driven by its expanded business and product lines.

The Niwot-based company reported earnings after the market closed Tuesday, a little more than a year after it began trading publicly.

Chief Executive Officer Ron Snyder credited the results to a boost in international business, a diversified product line and licensing agreements that have led to a collection of Disney footwear and products in collegiate colors.

"We are extremely pleased at the early performance of these new growth vehicles which bode well as we prepare to further evolve and expand our licensing program," he told analysts.

For the quarter ending Dec. 31, Crocs posted net income of $20.8 million, or 51 cents a share, compared with net income of $4.2 million, or 12 cents a share, in the previous fourth quarter.'

Castro Hearts Energy Efficiency

'Cuba's Fidel Castro launched a similar program two years ago, sending youth brigades into homes and switching out regular bulbs for energy-saving ones to help battle electrical blackouts around the island.'

Australia to ban old-style bulbs

Ha.

'Oh, right: Ash Wednesday. So, Jesus started wearing ashes around and so did everyone else and it became the hottest fashion accessory in Jerusalem since not being covered in camel poo.'

Ash Wednesday Alternatives

Michael Jackson Kills

Dead patient's family sues, claims she was moved to make room for Michael Jackson

'SANTA MARIA, Calif. (AP) - The family of a woman who died two years ago is suing Michael Jackson and a hospital, claiming the gravely ill patient was moved to make room for the pop star when he arrived with flu symptoms.

The complaint, claiming abuse of celebrity status, was filed against Jackson and Marian Medical Center in Santa Maria on Thursday, the second anniversary of the death of Manuela Gomez Ruiz, 73. It seeks unspecified damages.

The family had previously complained publicly that Ruiz, who had suffered a heart attack and was on life support, was suddenly moved to make way for Jackson, whose Feb. 15, 2005, admission caused cancellation of a court session in his child molestation trial. Ruiz suffered a second heart attack and died later that day.

The family says she was moved from her two-bed trauma unit to another room.

A statement from the medical center said the suit is without merit and is "another frivolous claim to generate publicity." The statement also expressed sympathy for the Ruiz family's loss, said she received exceptional care and added: "Patient care and safety is always our priority."

Jackson spokeswoman Raymone K. Bain did not immediately return phone calls seeking comment.

Family attorney James McKiernan said in his complaint that a circus-like atmosphere at the hospital because of Jackson's arrival caused "emotional and mental lasting effects" on the Ruiz family.

"Manuela Ruiz was dying," the suit said. "Michael Jackson was also dying ... dying not to go to court that day."

The pop star was later acquitted of child molestation.

The suit alleges intentional infliction of emotional distress, negligent infliction of emotional distress, elder abuse, false imprisonment and conspiracy by Jackson, Marian Medical Center and Catholic Healthcare West, which owns the hospital.'

Horrid song.

CSS - 'Off The Hook'

Rocky Mountain Nigh

'I think he has an angel. He definitely has an angel,' said Hubbard. 'I think there is a God. God obviously is trying to talk him out of doing bad things like going to a casino.'

Abramo, a retired funeral home director, says his friends back in Brooklyn are going to be incredulous.

'They said, 'Why you got to move to Colorado?' I said, 'I got to go see the rocks.' And then, I got a rock.'

Destroyed SUV doesn’t dampen new arrival's spirit

Juxtaposition

I love how they compare the Lab, to a Chihuahua.

Boy attacked by Labrador Retriever

'ERIE – Police shot and killed a family dog after it attacked and severely injured a 9-year-old boy on Monday.

The dog, a black Labrador Retriever named Gordie, had been with the family for seven years and never had any problems with other people or kids, according to Amanda Jolliff, the boy’s mother.

"I had that dog for seven years and he never showed any kind of aggression towards a human being at all," said Jolliff.

According to Jolliff, her son, Josh, was playing outside when he heard Gordie whining while chained up.

"He just started doing his puppy whining. Josh went over to pet him, to reassure him, 'It's okay.' The dog just snapped," said Jolliff.

Josh went over to pet Gordie and the dog attacked, biting the right side of his head, left shoulder and left hand, Jolliff says.

“Josh has thousands of stitches to his head, I would say,” said Jolliff. “His scalp was hanging on by the skin around his ear on the right side.”

According to the family, the attack was unprovoked. The family was able to intervene and separate the dog from the boy, and the dog ran away from the area.

“Just the night before, Josh and Gordie had slept together,” said Jolliff.

Erie Police responded and within a few minutes attempted to catch the dog. However, as police attempted to catch the Labrador it charged the officer as if it were going to attack.

The officer, fearing he was in immediate danger of being attacked, shot and killed Gordie.

“I never would have thought Gordie could or would do this,” said Jolliff. “If I would have thought this could happen to my son, Gordie would not have been around.”


The Jolliff family also has a Chihuahua, which they say they have never had any problems with.'

Two of Talking Heads' best songs.

'Making Flippy Floppy'


'Slippery People'

Do people in Third World countries....

have OCD?

Before it gets taken down.

Yay.

Dawn French as Vicky's mom on Little Britain.

I prefer 'Ms. UnClean' myself.

Gallery Of The Absurd

Ricky Gervais' 80's Video

'Is he havin' a laugh?'

If you haven't seen it yet, you should check out Ricky Gervais' show 'Extras' on HBO. It's clever and has frequent guest stars like Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, and Daniel Radcliffe.

Kinda lame.

I dont mind either group actually, but this is a bad cover. Especially since they didn't really gender-correct the lyrics. I know it's for Comic Relief, but blegh.

Girls Aloud vs Sugababes - 'Walk This Way'

More Ick

The funny thing is, I was going to do a websearch on whether or not you can actually get sick from ingesting someone else's blood, but I was afraid what the search results would be.

'He took the wrapper back to the KFC and showed it to the manager. He says he was met with nothing but evasiveness and defensiveness. "They didn't want to hear it. I kept hearing it's not blood. There's no way that happened...it couldn't happen here."

Toothman says he called the general manager of this KFC and the health department. After the health department got involved, Nathan says the GM agreed to sit down with him.

She asked Toothman what he wanted, and Toothman said, "I want 2 things. First of all, I want for you to take steps to ensure that this doesn't happen again because it's disgusting and it made me, you know, sick, and it is sick.

And I said secondly, I would like for you to pay for me to get a blood test against all blood borne pathogens."'

Human Blood in KFC

Ick.

Jones' charitable side offers eBay bidders a piece of Haggard history

Mike Jones is having a tough week, but he's doing a good thing.

'There was a fire in another apartment of his Capitol Hill building. Smoke damage forced him to move into a Colfax hotel. Bummer.

Jones is the gay masseur/body builder who brought down evangelical preacher Ted Haggard with revelations of a three-year sexual relationship. Now Haggard says he's 100 percent hetero after some counseling. And Jones says he's out of the back-rub business and auctioning off his purple massage table on eBay. Coloradoconfidential.com broke the story over the weekend and Jones confirmed it Monday. "I'm done with the business," he told me.

He wants to donate the auction money to Project Angel Heart, an agency that feeds people living with HIV/AIDS, cancer and other life-threatening illnesses.

When I told PAH, they were thrilled. "That's great!" said development director Mindy Davidson. This is nice timing, as PAH will serve its 2 millionth meal on Saturday.

It should be up on eBay soon, he says. "And if someone wants, I'll autograph it. This is where it all happened."'